Smells Like Bacon

AutoBio Update

2009-05-23T06:12:00.000-07:00

I failed Biology twice in college getting my bachelor's degree. I was an English major and not so good with science. I waited until my last semester in college to take the class. And I failed so couldn't graduate. Then I failed it again and didn't graduate again. My parents were beside themselves. I was really discouraged, but I also wasn't really trying (obviously). Maybe it was my way of halting my progression towards adulthood. I used to say, though, that I just couldn't make it meaningful to me. That the class was in a different language than the one I knew--- words like mitochondria, histology and phylum had no meaning to me and hence I could not learn them. Although this was partially an excuse for my laziness and well, okay, partying, there was some truth to it as well.

To some extent, I've reacted to technology in the same way. I am past my partying days and try not to be lazy anymore, but thinking about RSS Feeds, wikis and livestream (or whatever it is) used to make me break out into a cold sweat. They seemed like these abstract, complicated ideas that would take way too long to figure out much less implement. Learning about so many new technologies in two weeks has been a bit overwhelming, I won't lie. For the most part, though, I think I get most of what we've talked about. I can't promise that I will use it all, but knowing what is out there and understanding the possiblities connected to each of these technologies gives me great power upon entering the classroom.

In the last two weeks, I have: used a blog to contribute ideas and converse about education and technology in the classroom, used search engines OTHER THAN Google, participated in a webquest, collaboratively written an article on digital storytelling through a wiki, created a digital story, made a podcast, tried to make a chair on google Sketchup, and I'm sure a couple other things that I'm not thinking of right now. Only a couple of those things had I done ever before.

The technologies I will definitely use in my classroom are: digital stories, podcasts, screencasting, blogs, alternatives to Google. Adding just these elements to my classroom will make a big difference, I think, in the ways students construct, process, and retain their knowledge.

Most importantly, my ideas about writing and the nature of writing have been challenged. I now see the value in collaborating to write an article on ants as suggested in the textbook. Although I believe that creative writing is largely a solitary pursuit (until the editing process), there are ways to build and share knowledge with one another through writing. The Read/Write Web certainly encourages these types of collaborative learning opportunities. I will never throw away my tattered copy of David Copperfield, but I can certainly use the web to see how others interpret the story and share my own thoughts on Mr. Micawber and Uriah Heep.

Chapter Nine: Coming to Terms

2009-05-22T13:08:00.000-07:00

Last week I had coffee with my friend Ryan who I've mentioned in this blog before. I've been thinking about him a lot while I'm taking this class because he is a writer, a teacher and kind of a techie, too. Somehow, he has reconciled these traits and in him, they work. In speaking with him, I relayed to him my concern about technology getting in the way of our experiences and our stories. I gave him the example that I gave in my technology autobiography of the culminating moment in a college football game and everyone in the stands watching the field through the lens of a camera or camera phone--- experiencing this awesome moment through a camera! So, their memory of the event is going to be about getting the picture and NOT the CATCH!!! It was then that he told me Plato's story of King Thamus and Theuth. Theuth was an inventor type of guy who discovered numbers and astronomy and... writing! So, Theuth goes to Thamus to tell him of this amazing discovery that was a "potion for memory and for wisdom." King Thamus did not like this new idea of writing saying that "memory" or "knowledge" are internal and written characters are external. The ensuing knowledge from reading these characters then would not really become a part of the reader. I could talk about this story forever, but I'll stop myself now and try to connect it to the reading.

Things are changing... these shifts that Richardson describes are very real and they are a good thing! Students should be collaborating, building, conversing, reasoning. I love that I am entering the teaching field during a time where the teacher is more a facilitator and listener than lecturer. I love to talk, don't get me wrong. Eventually, though, I begin to bore even myself. As much as some of the technological expectations before me make me a little uncomfortable, most of them are great ways to engage and explore the curriculum.

When I think about the act of writing--- like putting pen to paper and expressing an idea through written characters- when I think of that as technology, as an advance of some kind, it helps me to see that change, although strange, can be life-changing opening doors of creativity that once were closed. Think about what our world would be like without written language! If this new writing, this new literacy, is anywhere near as powerful as old technologies like photography, sound recordings, and yes, writing, then we humans will certainly be better for it. As long as I don't pick up a copy of "A Good Man is Hard to Find" fifty years from now and see a bunch of ones and zeroes on the page, I'll be okay with it.

Here is a link to Plato's Phaedrus if anyone would like to read it.

http://classics.mit.edu/Plato/phaedrus.html

(I can't get blogger to post a link... sorry. You'll have to copy and paste.)

Chapter Six: Overload

2009-05-22T12:30:00.000-07:00

So, I have already acknowledged an innate distrust of technology. I feel like us humans get greedy and take things too far. Why do things have to move so fast? People keep talking about technology existing to help us do things quicker, but the fact is that the more technology that exists the less time we have because we're spending it all using all that new, flashy, fun stuff. It could be that this class with its teeny time span has packed a ton of techie talk in two weeks. The reality is, however, that at this point, I'm feeling like its all gotten out of hand. Chapter six put me over the edge. I cannot reconcile myself to Twitter and I will never use it in my classroom. My cell phone is never even on so I wouldn't get the texts anyway.

I'll be honest. The fact is, I don't really want to be a part of a collaborative online community. I want to play integral role in MY community, where I live. I want to have relationships with my garbage man, my mailman, the man two streets over who sat on his front porch every evening with his dog, Cici, but who now sits alone, my barista, my friends, my family. These are the people that I want to connect to most. They come first. I feel like if I did everything the author wants me to, I would live with some piece of electronic equipment glued to my face.

If technology can be used to enhance learning, community, content in my classroom, then I will use it. Right now, though, I'm feeling like what kids need more than a webquest is an outdoor quest where they are moving and sensing and exploring and connecting to something that doesn't run out of battery life. That's what I want anyway.

ATTN: Principal

2009-05-20T19:31:00.000-07:00

After hearing about Google Sketchup in an education class, I wanted to find out more about it. Apparently, its a drawing software that allows you to create three dimensional models on your computer. After creation, you may save them, post them online, share them via youtube, use them in presentations, etc...

I downloaded the software and decided that I would begin my Sketchup work by building a wooden chair. This seemed simple enough for a novice like myself to tackle. I watched two short tutorial videos and then began a disgruntling journey into the world of Sketchup. Admittedly, I have little spatial sense, but to be honest, I totally didn't get it. I did manage to create some shapes, but I'm still trying to figure out what happened to my chair. I can see how this software would be super valuable for the engineer, city planner or architect. If I saw some actual lesson plans using sketchup, with some directions as to how to create the 3d objects, I might change my mind. At this point, though, after struggling with an hour and coming up with nothing, I would say that Sketchup is not a necessary teaching tool for our elementary school classrooms at this time. I feel like with geometry at least, and the study of shapes, etc... building a three dimensional shape with one's hands would be more meaningful and illustrative than using a computer. I'm sure Sketchup has uses in the classroom, but right now, I'm a little lost as to how to implement the software in a way that would benefit my students.

Chapter Eight: Podcasting and the Importance of Audience

2009-05-20T18:41:00.000-07:00

I think podcasting and screencasting may be my favorite thing I've learned in this class. The possibilities for its use in the classroom are so varied! In my house growing up, the spoken word was king. It's weird. Although there was television in my dad's childhood home, they must have listened to a lot of radio. We did during my childhood, too. I heard all kinds of audio recordings: comedy shows, Broadway shows, famous speeches. I have been able to recite Roosevelt's "Day of Infamy" speech since I was like thirteen. It was just our thing. I am a big reader, but I think sound recordings relay things that words on a page just cannot do. Having students create writings- whether lab reports, poetry, historical narrative,- and then record, in their own voices that work, gives them a real sense of ownership and power over that recording. They will hear it and think, "That's me. That's my voice; that's my work." Along with being meaningful to students, it's also a great way to change things up in the classroom and provide some diversity in the way students are assessed.

As I read the text, I've noticed that over and over again Will Richardson broaches this subject of publication- that the Read/Write Web's power (or one of them) is its audience. I'm not saying this is a bad thing, but I do feel like society is obsessed with having an audience and I'm wondering why. Are we obsessed with publishing our lives? With having an audience twenty-four/seven? And if we are, how did we get to this point? Having a voice and being heard is powerful. I will not deny that, but when did it become so important to reach so many? Why is there this need now to publicize the intimate details of our lives through blogging, facebook, podcasting... all of these technologies that allow us to reach a large audience. Why isn't it enough for our family and friends to know our stories? I'm trying to figure out if I think its a good thing that these technologies exist or not. Or rather, I'm trying to figure out if our abundant usage of these avenues of publication are really good for us- for our intellects, our hearts, our souls... Is obsessive self-documentation turning us all into egoists? And what exactly are we sacrificing in order to publish incessantly? Is it worth it?

Don't get me wrong. I think its great that more voices are being heard now. If you look through our history, those with money, power and prestige were most likely to get their messages to large audiences in the past. The Internet has moved us into an era where the little people have a stage, too. That's great. Do we always need a stage, though? I would say that those drawn to create something new, whether it is a piece of writing, a painting, a bookcase, etc... are not doing it for the audience. They create in order to move something from an intangible state to a material, physical one. They do it to get something out of themselves and into our world. That's been my experience with creation anyway. Creating isn't really about the audience, but about movement. The audience comes after the act. If we have people moved to create things because of audience, how does that change the things we are creating? If we constantly use this idea of audience to provide motivation for students to do good work, what else suffers? My instinct tells me that like any external motivator, the recognition factor will need to get larger and larger for the students to receive gratification from their work. For instance, let's say that in first grade, students are really excited because ten people have responded and left positive comments on a podcast they created for school. Well, after a year or so, ten comments will no longer be acceptable. They will need twenty or so comments to feel like they've done a good job. And on and on and on. Am I off base here?

A real blog at last?

2009-05-19T19:23:00.000-07:00

I'm posting a link that my friend Ryan gave me. He's a poet, writer, philosopher and teacher. The link is:

www.storycenter.org

It's about digital storytelling. In its "Resources" section, I read an article tonight called "Is Digital Storytelling a Movement." (I'm avoiding my midterm.) In it, the author talks about how accessible storytelling is now... that more people are telling their stories than ever. I'm wondering why. Is it the flashiness of this new medium? Is it easier to tell a story with words, pictures and music than it is with just words? How is digital storytelling different than our more traditional storytelling models? Is its popularity due to its newness?

Just thinkin'.

(Additional note: I found this article on the same site about digital stories in the classroom. It has some interesting thoughts from someone who has actually incorporated digital stories into his teaching.
http://www.infotoday.com/MMSchools/jan02/banaszewski.htm)

Digital Story: Second draft

2009-05-19T09:52:00.000-07:00

This is the final version I'm turning in for this project, but I will be making some changes on my own at a later time. Four days is hardly enough time for me to tell this story right.

Chapter Four: Wiki or Walmart?

2009-05-18T14:16:00.000-07:00

Richardson's description of a wiki world where laypeople, experts, and just about anyone who wants to are recording the annals of all of human knowledge is quite utopian. I get the practicality and the magnitude of wiki's power. I also understand why so many people go to Walmart--- it's convenient, a one stop shop, where you can find just about anything you need. It's so easy! So is wikipedia. I'm not saying that creating class wikis isn't a great way for students to write in a collaborative manner showing off their expertise on a number of subjects. I don't know, though, how it's much different than creating a blog giving everyone in the class access to edit. The book creation idea is grand. However, I can't bring myself to totally embrace the wiki. Call me shallow if you like, but I don't like how it looks. First impressions are important! Wiki pages are just bare, unformatted, and seem to have info all over the place. I find its look disruptive and unsettling. I will admit... the edit links that show up in wikipedia are somewhat thrilling. The power! I don't know anything about ants! Who gave me access to write whatever I wanted on this page about the life cycle of ants? But back to my Walmart metaphor, the more people involved in an enterprise, project, what have you, the more generic will be the product of that enterprise. That is true for many things... definitely for Walmart. They are willing to sacrifice specificity and creativity of design to attract a large (and ever-increasing) customer base. Wikipedia strikes me as the same soulless kind of enterprise--- surrendering the vessel's expertise so that everyone involved can participate. As more and more people use wikipedia for their research, where does that leave the true experts who have written wonderfully, detailed descriptions of their life's work on every subject under the sun (whether in real book, or online form)... What happens to their work when people stop using it for the convenience of a site like wikipedia? Like the Mom and Pop shops of yore, they will be replaced by the wikipedias and walmarts of the world. I just can't support that. If students are using wikipedia on their own in my class, that's fine. However, I'd rather teach students how to find the lesser known informational giants of the web.

Digital Story Script

2009-05-18T11:39:00.000-07:00

TITLE
With a Strong Hand He Shall Let Them Go

DEDICATION
For Hawkins:
Who will never know his grandfather

PART 1

NARRATION: My father’s feet wiggled from side to side, a nervous habit. The cheap lighting splayed in fragments on the silver rails of the bed. The doctor came in saying that he would be in there for a few days. A heart attack, but he was okay. I felt like my role there was as entertainer, storyteller, mime, anything to keep people laughing and not thinking about angioplasties, fluid in the lungs, death. Leaning against the window, my sister looked like a faded curtain in the setting sun. I talked and talked. In the middle of some exaggerated movement with my arms, my hand came to rest on one of the bed rails. My father’s hand was there, too. Our pinkies touched.

QUOTE on black
Dad: It doesn’t matter what you end up doing.
Just be present in your life. You could workout as a cashier at Kmart for the rest of your life…
Feel your body standing by that register,
Listen for the ching as the drawer opens,
Use the time you have with each person that comes through your checkout line to touch them in some way, make their lives better.

PART 2

NARRATION: I had inherited his aversion to physical closeness. My hugs are self-conscious and feeble. By instinct, I almost lifted my arm, freeing myself from an intimacy with my father that I found awkward. On that night, though, I wanted to be close to him and did not move my hand. I kept it on the cold metal frame and felt electricity moving between us, stirring up our shared DNA, consummating our connection as father and daughter. I felt as if I were being pulled and created at that moment, in one small instance, through the contact between us.

QUOTE on black
Me: What do I do if something happens to you?
Dad: Every moment is a new choice. Each breath is a chance to do something good… the best thing possible in that moment. If something happens to me, you’ll do every right thing you can,
every chance you get.

PART 3

NARRATION: I left and got a call at three a.m. from my mother… silence filled the other end of the line… my mom trying to find words that didn’t hurt- the sound of my father’s death. When I got to the hospital, he was laying in the bed, just as I had seen him last… his hand still fixed on the metal rail. I took his watch off, strapped it to my wrist and sat there with my hand next to his, our pinkies in the same place, waiting for the connection between us to return.

QUOTE on black
Me: Dad, what do you want people to say about you when you die?
Dad: He lived in a house by the side of the road and was a friend to man.
He did.
He was.

PART 4

NARRATION: At the funeral, I felt in control and powerful, somehow like my father. I stood next to my sister erect and straight. She stooped in grief to my left, an old woman, showering her feet with tears and moans. I did not know how to reach out to her without poking the fresh bruise of her sorrow- my sorrow. Instead, I looked ahead, placed my hand on the pew in front of me, and waited for our hands to meet.

Patrick Lowery Wheeler
1938-2004

Digital Story

2009-05-17T21:28:00.000-07:00

This is a digital story about the night my father died. It's not totally done yet, but I needed to see it in a more complete form before going on and making changes within Movie Maker. In my history with most creative endeavors, errors are never more clear than when you're looking at a "finished" product. Any feedback would be most welcome!

Somewhat Chastened: Chapters 3, 5, 7

2009-05-17T09:31:00.000-07:00

I haven't been called to the altar quite yet, but I must say that Will Richardson is beginning to make a convert out of me. My initial misgivings were, of course, about the quality of literature found on the web. However, after reading the chapter on RSS feeds (and his humbling response to one of my posts), I find myself getting close to dipping my toes in the baptismal font... just to try things out a bit. It has been my practice in life to steer clear of acronyms as much as possible- obviously this preference did not play a part in my career choice. So, just seeing the term "RSS feed" made me a little nervous. Then I started seeing it EVERYWHERE! But the letters scared me off. Seriously, though, if I had known what it was, I would have been all over it. Despite my discomfort with numerous technologies, I can tell you that I gave up my newspaper long ago and now spend my morning hour sipping coffee and visiting a list of six or so websites every morning to find out the latest info on my favorite topics. Is it laziness to want my news to come to me? It's like the daily paper being dropped off at my doorstep each morning, but I don't have to tip the paperboy! Seen in an educational light, RSS feeds are actually a perfect answer to my initial concern of retaining or ensuring quality in the literature our students read online. I agree with the author's comments to this blog that we need to teach students how to muddle through and decipher the substantial from the empty. However, RSS feeds have the power to minimize the scope of the Internet to a cozier space for your students serving as a weeding out tool for those writings on the web of low quality. I can't wait to start my own.

Two ever present topics in these chapters were the ideas of community and connection. I love the ease in which students in Louisville, KY can communicate with others from around the globe. I remember in grade school having pen pals from different parts of the world each year and what delight it was to receive their letters each month. Each student was also paired with a Peace Corps volunteer. From them, we learned about water irrigation systems, poverty, service, mosquito nets among many other things. I still remember that my pen pal from Mexico had to check his shoes every morning for scorpions. Their descriptions of life gave me a broader, richer understanding of the largeness of our world, but my communication with these people made it a smaller, friendlier place. In our modern world, students have so much access to people and cultures all over! It's an exciting time to be entering the classroom.

When I think about the ease in which we are connected to so many so fast, however, I wonder how our "real" (as in physical, not web-based) encounters suffer. For example, are teachers opting to "connect" students to a Chinese girl across the globe through the Internet for some exposure to Chinese culture in lieu of having a Chinese-American parent/student/etc... come in to the classroom as a guest to speak with the class. Is there a difference? Does it matter? My fear is that the more we seek connections via the Internet, the less we will seek them in our own backyard. Although I don't think this is a reason not to collaborate and communicate with others through the Internet, I do think that one needs to provide a balance. In my field placement last semester, there were students in the class that did not know the names of other students. Did I mention this was a class of thirty fifth graders who spend five days a week together? We need to make sure we are building community in our classrooms, schools and neighborhoods as much as we are trying to strengthen those connections abroad.

Student as Contributer: Fantasy Farm

2009-05-14T10:07:00.000-07:00

The fantasy is this: I create this school located on acres and acres of usable farm land where students raise animals, grow food to support the community, utilizing the "outdoor classroom" that nature has given us to connect, build, experiment and explore all areas of the curriculum. Did I mention that my students were poor, inner city children who pay no tuition?

At first glance you may think that my fantasy school is un-doable, but it actually has much in common with Alan November's "Digital Learning Farm." The idea here is that the students are contributing their hands, their voices, their creativity, their intellect towards something that will benefit the community. So many of the tasks students do every day in their classrooms have no purpose other than for students to "learn" the material. What if there was an end met, some type of need fulfilled, a good deed done, somewhere for every assignment given to our students in the classroom... Wouldn't that change the world? Students would be active producers in their lives. At this moment, as I've already discussed in previous posts, children in our society are reduced to mere consumers.

My cooperating teacher last semester worked so hard each day… much harder than the students. She did the thinking, the writing, the talking. I really don’t know how she does it all. The students were bystanders in their own learning experiences, consumers of the classroom...

Alan November outlines ways for students to become active participants and producers! through the use of technology. From assigning class "researchers" or "scribes" to creating podcasts that review the curriculum, these ideas give students an opportunity to create and produce in the classroom, building knowledge and confidence while making contributions to their communities large and small. It's comforting to know that until I get to my fantasy farm, I can utilize these practices in a real classroom, every day.

Flickr

2009-05-13T14:55:00.000-07:00

Project: Greater than, Less than or Equals to

This evening, along with Brittney Jackson and Jami Allen, I presented a lesson plan idea using Flickr as a backdrop to teach and illustrate the concepts of greater than, less than and equals to. Using photos of quantities of objects, our group showed how one could utilize this content using Flickr in the classroom. The content standard the presentation was based upon and the link to our photos are below.

STANDARD:
Elementary Mathematics (1st grade-Numbers and Operations)

MA-EP-1.1.3
Students will compare (<, >, =) and order whole numbers to whole numbers, decimals to decimals (as money only) and fractions to fractions (limited to pictorial representations).

http://www.flickr.com/photos/38342385@N02/sets/72157618105452128/

Research?

2009-05-12T13:47:00.001-07:00

When researching a topic, I go through the following steps:

Step 1: Cursory glance through google to find what type of info is out there.

Step 2: I have a background in libraries and so utilize the online databases of magazine and journal articles a lot.

Step 3: I'm also a bit old-fashioned and like dogeared copies of big, tightly bound textbooks. I like knowing that many people have searched a book before me. It gives it street cred.

Step 4: If I need more info, I go straight to the people who know where to find all the juicy info on a topic: librarians.

Response to Chapters One and Two

2009-05-12T06:39:00.001-07:00

Will Richardson does a really good job of selling his passion. I get it; I believe it; I'm gonna try it when I get into my own classroom. I do have some concerns, however, about his enthusiasm for online learning and collaboration through blogging. I'll post those here.

1- I am not a writing or reading snob at all. I agree with the author that students should find things of interest to them online and reflect and write about them. Students should definitely be reading and responding to one another's work. Blogs are an amazing opportunity to give students a real voice beyond the walls of the classroom. That's powerful stuff. My question is about the quality of writing found online, though, and whether boundaries should be set up with some type of list of standards that students should look for when choosing what links they will write about in their blogs. Shouldn't students be reading the BEST writers out there so that they have examples to emulate? When "publication" becomes as easy as the press of a button, when there is no filter to keep out the mundane and second rate, how do we guarantee the quality of this work that our students are reading? When there are too many cooks in the kitchen, the recipe is bound to get misinterpreted. In the same way, with their lives so saturated with bad literature, how are students supposed to learn to write well (by this I mean: interesting, detailed, imaginative work with clarity) when there are so few examples? Classrooms, I believe, should be the one place where students are given and expected to read high quality literature. Will Richardson doesn't address the "quality" component of the read/write web. This surprises me since he is an English and Journalism teacher. The one example he supplied of a solid piece of writing from a blog was a post in response to Amazon's marketing of a new electronic reading device called the kindle. The type of technical and persuasive writing available on amazon, in newsweek, in the digital library service is informative, yes. I would have to say, though, that this writing has no heart and it certainly has no soul. I do think students should be writing about things they care about, but I think controls should be set in place to keep students reading solid literature (whether it be fiction or nonfiction) from the very best writers.

2- American students are bombarded with advertising in their every day lives. Our mercenary culture has turned even the youngest among us into consumers. I feel like our classrooms should try to preserve the purity of the learning experience for as long as possible and shield kids from the constant intrusion of advertising in to their lives. The blog posting from the text that I cited earlier basically reads like an advertisement for Amazon's kindle product. This made me very uncomfortable. In an average day, how many ads do we see on the Internet? I don't know the number, but I bet it's a lot. Our classrooms should be a place where students can escape the constant noise of our buying-obsessed society. I think the Internet in many ways reinforces this idea that our value as Americans is our ability to consume- and endlessly at that. I think we need to fight this pervading culture of thought for the sake of our hearts, our minds and our earth- for us, for our students. Again, I want to utilize the best of the tools Will Richardson speaks so passionately about, but I do think we should keep these dangers in mind as we put the Internet to use in our classrooms.

Technology Autobiography

2009-05-11T18:27:00.000-07:00

My relationship with technology has always been complicated. I remember my confused panic when my dad tried to explain to me how a television works. I always thought that the screen was like a camera lens and that we were in some way connected (by time? by wires?) to what was visible through the screen. His explanation of satellites and pixels and projections was too detailed for the limited understanding of my ten year old mind. My brain hurt. It still hurts when I think of how technology works. Any type of technology! I understand that it is not my lot in life to understand these things and I am okay with that.

Along with my confusion about how it works, though, lies an innate distrust of the thing itself. As a naturalist, I worry about those habits and callings that bring us indoors. Technology, in its many seductive forms has moved us from a nature-living (and loving) people, to a culture hypnotized by objects plugged into a wall. I believe that we might have been better off without all of these distractions, these devices that intrude on the actual experiencing of our lives. After all, what stories will you have to tell if you spend your life in the telling stage. That's what these technologies do for us... They make the telling easier, more precise, more "life-like." For example, I saw this photo in ESPN magazine of a frenzied crowd at the culminating moment of a college football game. Everyone in the crowd had their camera phones or cameras out. They were actually viewing the moment behind the lens. They were there, but they weren't! Our obsession with self-documentation these days seems to be getting in the way of our actual living. Facebook, too, disguises itself as a way to "connect and share with the people in your life." My question to them is, do we really need to connect with some random person from our third grade class when we barely have enough time to devote to our close friends and loved ones? Samuel Taylor Coleridge said that poetry was powerful emotion reflected upon in tranquility. Our online lives have taken us away from the reflection stage, from the tranquil stage. The result is a series of off the cuff musings with little meaning.

So, perhaps at this point, you are thinking that I am the ultimate technology "Scrooge." I'm not! Really! Maybe I would rather be squishing blueberries and using it as paint rather than buying store bought paint. The truth is, though, that with all the modern conveniences at my fingertips, I really don't have the time...

Technology is here, and probably here to stay. Since this is the case, I am interested in finding ways to use this technology to enrich my life, my work, and my relationships when and where I can. Modern technology, especially the Internet, has an enormous capacity to keep us connected to our loved ones and informed about things we care about. Although my son lives hundreds of miles from his grandparents, he was able to look at both his grandmothers through a webcam and wish them a happy Mother's Day. I've created digital stories as gifts to those same grandparents. Blogging, the modern day journal, has allowed me to share the happenings in my life with family and friends who otherwise would have no idea what was going on with me. These are good things!

However, again, the skeptic and traditionalist in me wonders if the quality of these communications is being compromised in some way. The medium is easy, that's for sure, but seen from a universal standpoint is it helping our culture become more educated, more liberated, more independent? Is it moving our species forward in any way? Are we becoming better people because of it? Are we using it the right way? Do any of these things even matter?

Entering into this class focused on how to weave technology into my teaching will hopefully answer some of these questions. I know it can do great things inside and outside of the classroom. Right now, though, I've got more questions than answers.

FYI to my nonexistent readers

2009-05-11T14:44:00.001-07:00

For the next few weeks, I'm going to be using this blog to post assignments for a class on teaching with technology. That's what all the education verbalizing will be for. (Not like I've posted anything else since... Um. October!) Perhaps after I'm finished with this ONE. LAST. CLASS. I will have more free time. Until then- Peace.

MIA

2008-11-23T18:15:00.000-08:00

It's been awhile, I know. Been busy in the Bacon house. Coordinating my work schedule with my class schedule with my teaching in the schools schedule is just freaking insane. I'll be very happy come Christmas vacation. Attached are a few pics. I'll start from August.

My kid loves the zoo. We have a membership and live just down the street. We spent a lot of time there this summer. I'd like to go once it gets super cold and see if the animals are any more lively. It's got to smell better. I want to foster a real appreciation for these animals in Hawkins. I want him to learn from them, not just be entertained by them. Okay, I have the capacity to go on a tangent here. There's a seedy underbelly to the zoo that I just can't quite shake. I'll just stop and say that I don't want Hawkins to think that the animals are there for his amusement, but for a bigger purpose that will hopefully lead to an understanding of the wants and needs of the animals (which probably are not fulfilled by the zoo but whatever).

These were taken in Bloomington, IN, in early October. We were there for a world music fest which was freaking fantastic. Saw some of the best performances I've ever seen. If you check out one band this year, it should be La Cor de la Plana. Dear God, they blew me away. We had a super fun time and got to catch up with some old friends.

This is trick or treating at the zoo in one hundred degree heat. I'm surprised poor Hawkins did not pass out. There were children everywhere. The zoo again...

We also have a membership to the big art museum here, the Speed. In the basement of the museum, they have a kids interactive museum. Hawkins loves it here. He's celebrating his birthday at the Speed. Anyway, these photos were from a few weeks ago. They have all these stations. Hawkins also wrote his first poem here with magnetic poetry. His poem: High playtime/Hate school/Reluctant transportation/Green. Man, that is deep!

And of course, Halloween!!!! Here Hawkins creates a masterpeice on his pumpkin and then we go trick or treating at Aunt Mo's.

Hawkins really likes his rosary. And like every normal kid, boxes.

Last but not least, we took Hawkins with us to vote so that he could be a part of history. Our polling place was only a few blocks away and so we walked. Later on in the evening, we went to a party, but did not stay long because I needed to focus. My laptop has been my constant companion this election cycle and I didn't feel right excluding it from the culmination of our election adventures. So, we headed home to watch the returns for a quiet evening with just the six of us: Dinky, Sneakers (who like Obama is both black and white), Hawkins, Scott, laptop and me. The election party we went to wouldn't have been complete without a cardboard cutout of Obama. And the evening wouldn't have been complete, of course, had we not posed for lame pictures with said cutout.

That's pretty much it. Happy Democracy and Peace.

St. Louie

2008-07-31T18:15:00.000-07:00

Went to St. Louis for the weekend to hang with my cousin Tim, his wife Gina, and their daughter Caroline. She is a month older than Hawkins and totally awesome. We had fun! Not much for words right now after spending the last week writing a fifteen page reflective log on my terrible field placement experiences and then writing a lesson plan that incorporates five "exceptionalities." It was rough. Have the final on Saturday and then FINALLY my three week break arrives. Can't wait. Later.

Late

2008-07-15T19:46:00.000-07:00

I'm drowning in a never ending fog of summer classes. Here are some recent photos. Three more weeks and then we hit the beach. (Just sb and me.) Should be fun.

Back to the Grind

2008-05-29T07:28:00.000-07:00

We've been back from the beach now about three days and I'm ready for another vacation. Scott, Hawkins and I had a total blast, though! Spent a few days with Scott's parents and brother's family at Carolina Beach in NC. Hawkins got to see the ocean for the first time! The vastness of the water was a little too much for him, but he really loved playing in the sand. We set him under the umbrella and there he sat for hours digging in the sand, filling his dump truck and pails, burying himself and surrepticiously eating as much sand as possible. Scott and I, on the other hand, did a lot of sitting, basking in the sun, dozing, drinking bloody mary's, snacking, etc...

We also had the misguided notion to take a jetski tour of a nearby island. I've been on jetskis before, but never for an hour of nonstop movement. We were following a tour guide and so really had no choice but to follow him no matter how FREAKING fast he went. We basically drove 60 mph without stopping for an hour straight. Did I mention that my marvelous husband in the driver's seat had never actually driven a jetski? Poor Scott. Poor me. It was hilarious and traumatizing. Like many experiences, the memories are much fonder than the actual event. I can't help giggling just thinking about my frantic screams to Scott to gun it in order to keep up with our speed demon tour guide. And Scott and I cussing up a storm trying to stay on the damn jetski as we dealt with the wakes of about eight trillion boats going top speed. Needless to say, I did not bother to offer my driving services. I figured if someone was going to look like an idiot it had much better be Scott. Next year, we've decided to do something a little more our speed like kayaking in the lagoons or something.

Aaaaah. So, yes, vacation is over. Unfortunately, this means that so is my summer. Well, sort of. I start back to school next week and am in for an intense two months of classes. Then I get a three week break and another trip to the beach before beginning my fall classes. Eeek! I'm so nervous. I start working in the schools in the Fall for one full day a week. We'll see how I do...

Anyway, life is good. The cold has not been kind to my garden this year, but hopefully should start seeing some fruits of my labors soon. I've planted three types of heirloom tomatoes, strawberries, watermelon, eggplant, onions, peppers, zucchini, squash, and lots of herbs. Some neighborhood rascals have already eaten my kale and spinach plants. I don't know who or what it is, but I think I have a renegade bunny watching my every move and eating things when I least expect it. More on this drama as it unfolds....

Attached are some photos from the beach. Later!

THAT Girl

2008-04-24T11:50:00.001-07:00

Yeah. It's me. The "older" nontraditional student in class that everyone wishes would just shut the hell up. I think it's me. I don't want it to be. Not sure I can help it though. I just finished up the semester two days ago. I feel like an enormous weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I have six weeks off and then go back in June. Last night I actually watched a movie AND read a chapter in my new book. Life is looking pretty sweet. This weekend I'm planting my veggies and herbs and relaxing in the sunshine. Hawkins has a baby gardening kit, but somehow he knows they aren't the real deal. Don't have much time since I have not done much at work today. I've been checking my grades online obsessively. This is stupid for many reasons, but it's not technically possible for me to get anything but A's at this point. So, basically, I'm obsessing over how high my A's are. This is quite the contrast to previous educational endeavors where I was always just doing enought to get by.

So, I'll just post a few photos and write something more interesting in about a week after DERBY! God, this day is dragging. Went to a Bats game (AAA) last week. It was dog night and everyone brought their dogs. Hawkins was lovin' it. Notice the coat and hat that Hawkins had to wear last week. This weather has been ridiculous! Finally warming up!!!!!!!! Here are some of my two favorite guys...

In the Picture

2008-03-12T10:24:00.000-07:00

Here are some recent pics. We've got some of our first snow where I am rockin' some serious gypsy clothes. At some point, I stopped caring what I looked like when the temperature drops below 50 degrees. I just want to be warm, man. Unfortunately, I think Hawkins is following suit. It's all about the layers. We've also got some photos of Hawkins being his little political self working his Obama onesie. I have a matching one (shirt, not onesie). We are all about it. Though I am somewhat perturbed that Hillary is drawing this thing out, I am excited that the campaign will be coming to Kentucky. I plan on doing whatever it takes to attend a rally. My primary vote has never mattered before, and I'm pretty psyched. If I can find the damn time, I'm going to do some canvassing and such with Hawkins in tow to introduce him to the political process. Yay!

There are also some photos of our trip to Tennessee with Mama D. and Papa Tom and some other random photos. What usually happens is that when I get home from class on Tuesdays, I walk in the door to find Hawkins in some bizarre get up (i.e. adult clothes, mismatched pjs backward, etc...) or with some strange hair style thought up by none other than Scott Bacon. He plays dress up with the kid like no man I've ever seen. He's worse than I was with my Barbies. Anyway, so there are some pictures of Hawkins with a Mark Richt style butt cut (though somehow Mark Richt makes it look good) and Hawkins in one of Scott's wifebeaters and so on.

Busy playing catch up and procrastinating on my stupid paper! Later.

Teacherspeak

2008-02-28T12:57:00.000-08:00

It's stupid. It may be worse than double speak and slightly better than GeorgeWBushdumbass speak. Not sure. It just blows my mind that I can be thirty-one and still ignorant to all these terms and phrases that I'm learning in my MAT program. My friend Kevin and I were talking about it and he said that this like the immersion technique in foreign language classes. That's because it is a foreign language. I'm on spring break right now, but still have to work. Plus, I have a 15-20page paper due next Tuesday. I'm trying to start on that. I can't wait til the end of this semester! I'm heading straight for the damn beach! Seriously.

I'm at a point right now where I'm just a little stressed out. Taking classes full-time is really hard with everything else going on. Today would have been an awesome day to stay in bed and let the world go away for a little while.

Did you catch the passing elusion to my age? Yes, I had a birthday. It was great!!! I wasn't expecting anything big, but Scott got me this painting I've been drooling over for months! I am a bonafied regular at Sunergos Coffee less than a mile from our house. For the past six months, they've been displaying an artist that I am absolutely in love with. A couple months ago, I dragged Hawkins and Scott to see the paintings that I love so much. They were/are WAY out of our price range. We really don't have the money to buy real art, you know? But when I got home from work on my birthday, my favorite painting "Adolescent Birds" was hanging on our wall! It was the best present I have EVER gotten. So magnificent. That night, we ordered Mexican takeout and Molly and Steve came over to eat with us. It was perfect! Then, on Saturday, we got a babysitter and went out for the evening. Fun, fun, but the painting was really the BEST part of the birthday. Last Saturday, too, Scott gave me an "Amber" day to hang out with Molly. We went shopping and then drank some wine and had dinner. It was much fun!

Here's a couple pics of our trip to Tennessee a few weeks ago. Hawkins and I are total dorks and do not match. Seriously, my mom takes some pretty terrible photos of me, but this one may be the worst.

Just got over the flu and had my first big snow! We were all too sick to play in it, though. Grammy's in town helping to nurse everyone back to health and I am back at work with a week's worth of catch up to do. I don't know if I've ever had the flu before, but this shit was brutal. I was hullucinating and dizzy and all kinds of crazy stuff. Next year, my family is going to be first in line for the flu shots, man. Will post some new pics soon. I've got to email them from the laptop so I'll have them on hand. Hawkins gets cuter and cuter. He's talking a lot now. He says "all gone" when he's done with his bottle and whispers "poopoo" to himself when he has a dirty diaper. The kid is pretty much a genius.

Death and the Giants

2008-02-04T08:39:00.000-08:00

It won't leave me alone! I hate it. I wish it would go away for just a few days. Give me a break, Death! It's happening all around me and so sometimes I wonder if I am the least common denominator. Am I the one bringing the death?

I beleive in serendipity and in thought energy. How else can you explain thinking about someone or some thing that you NEVER ever think about and then being confronted with said thing. There are connections. I guess Jung tried to conquer this phenomonon with the collective mind and all that. Maybe? I don't know enough about it. Who was the philosopher that thought there was this big thought bubble from God and that it trickled forth into smaller tributaries leading to each one of us? I'm sure I am way off base in my description, but whatever. We share thoughts and feelings and the world with others. There is something that connects us all. But back to death...

I saw a wreck on Saturday on my way to church. A white Taurus looking car accidently ran a redlight and plowed into a little red Geo type. It hit the driver side door and the red car went spinning. I was behind the Taurus and wondering why it wasn't stopping for the light. I knew it was going to happen beforehand, but the sound of metal and machine colliding at forty miles per hour is always a shock. So real and not at all like in the movies. Bang! Quick and simple. An ambulance was beside me at the light and the EMTs went to check out the scene and make sure people were okay. The red car looked pretty badly dented on the driver's door. I think that person was hurt. I drove away to go pray for everyone at church because there were so many people alread congregating. They hardly needed me there.

I just hope I didn't SEE someone die. That's what disturbed me so much about the television/media coverage during 9/11. Clip after clip of the collapsing building... People were dying INSIDE that building. To show it on t.v. cheapens that death. Do you remember that movie that was popular in the nineties, The Faces of Death? (That's when I heard about it anyway, but it was filmed in the late 70s.)People die on camera. It's obscene and unrelenting. Shouldn't that most important event in a life be private? We are so obsessed with recording our lives that we forget to live them. (Aren't I recording my life in this blog?)I'm not blaming this on the media, though. They get blamed for too much. It's the people who eat all this shit up that drive me crazy. I feel so strongly about this, but can't relay it in words that correlate with my feelings. Frustrating.

The week after I was hired at UofL, my supervisor went to the doctor and found out she had breast cancer. Two days later she had a mastectomy. Since that day nearly two years ago she's been battling this ugly THING with little result. She's been on chemo for two years which means that her last two years were MISERABLE. She finally gave up, slipping quietly off to death on Monday afternoon. I'm glad for her that it's over. I think she really did expect to get better until like a week ago. I would have pulled the plug long ago if I were her.

And then there's Heath. Who did not kill himself, but who was abusing prescription meds. Man.

I can't close this post without talking about The Giants! I am a couple days late, I know... They were great. It's the first Super Bowl game that I was glued to my seat for. Stupid Tom Brady and his perfectly tied scarfs got sacked FIVE times! It was great. Did you see Giselle drinking wine in a Pats box? Who drinks red wine at a football game? Whatever! Like everyone else in the free world, I love Peyton Manning. So, to see him absorbed in watching his little brother play the game was so damn adorable! I read an article in The Sporting News last week that said losing the Super Bowl would make Tom Brady more likeable. I don't know if I'd go that far. I'm sure he's nice, but he just seems too much like that jerk football player that went to everyone's high school. I'm fascinated by Senator Specter's investigation into the Rams defeat in 2001. If the Patriots are shown to have videotaped footage of the Rams walkthrough, that would be unheard of in pro sports. That's bigger than the Steroid story. That's as big a story as Shoeless Joe and the Chicago Black Sox scandal which people are still talking about almost one hundred years later. Crazy! I hope it's not true, though. As much as I dislike the Patriots team, it is made up of flesh and blood human beings and I hope they are not cheaters.

I was looking at some old photos of Hawkins (who will NEVER be a cheater). He's so big! I can't beleive it! Check out the following, a photographic timeline of the last year...

Introducing ROCKY Balboa! Oh wait, no, it's not Rocky! It's Hawkins Patrick Bacon weight in at 10 lbs., 2 oz.!

But he looks so small here! Poor Scott. This is like hour thirty-six after the night from hell. This is why he looks like a heroin addict. Because I was two weeks late, the midwife forced me to be induced. I didn't want pitocin b/c I think it increases likelihood of c-section. So, they broke my water at 9am. Hawkins was born exactly 24 hours later after 21 hours of NATURAL effing labor, two hours of pushing to no avail, attempt at vacuum extraction, and then finally c-section. He was large and posterior and got stuck in the birth canal. At one point, Scott said my back was swollen to the point where it looked like I had a big softball sticking out of the left side of my back. It was one of the hardest things we've ever done, but it was worth it even though I didn't get the natural birth I wanted. Just to know that we could endure such hardship together means a lot. We survived!

He's two days old here. Isn't he so little? And GAY?

Two weeks old and already heading to the office for casual Friday!

This kid does NOT like hats. He was so teeny here. This was right after a walk to Sunergo's, our favorite coffee shop. I think it was Valentine's Day.

And then, he got very, very fat in like a month as you can see from this picture. This was my screensaver for a long time...

That covers the first couple months. Will revisit memory lane tomorrow. See y'all.

This one guy says its DREAD

2008-01-30T10:56:00.000-08:00

I had lunch with my friend Ryan today. It was great! It has always been a treat to hang out with him, but especially now that we are both so busy. We seem to think the same way on so many of the big questions in life (and small ones, too- like canning!). It validates me in some way to know that I have things in common with this person who I respect and admire so much. He's also fun, too, which a person should always be if they can.

A few things have happened this week of note. I'll start with my near death experience. I have this tightness in my chest and flippies in my stomach that last all day on Tuesday. There's just no time to breathe. In my last class, I said something to my table, my assigned group for the semester that will become "my family" as the teacher puts it. I ask them what the hell this is about and do they have it and will it last the whole semester do they think. People look at me like I'm stupid. This one guy in my group says it's dread. It's the same feeling I get right before a presentation, but it doesn't go away. When the class starts, the professor randomly calls on us to get up and present our conceptual maps of the chapter we are studying. So, of course, of the three people she calls on, I am one of them. It's almost like my body intuitively knew I was going to have to give a surprise presentation. I stumble through and am perhaps stronger because of it, but that doesn't mean I'm not pissed anyway. And then, three minutes after I sit down, the power goes out in our building and we are kicked out of class and into the rough winds and downpour outside. With no umbrella and no coat (I'm an idiot), I make my way towards the parking deck where my car is parked. With my glasses fogged over and little sight without them, I stand in the middle of the quadrangle wondering which direction I'm supposed to go. In the dark, nothing looks familiar and the buildings are black and slick with rain- sinister. I follow my gut which is almost always wrong, but this time it pulls through! I find myself in front of the parking garage. The power is out and my car is on the third floor. I am convinced that this is the end- that I've reached the point of no return and death (an axe murderer) awaits me on the stairs or under my car in the pitch black. In the aftermath of the storm, everything is quiet and hushed except for the heartbeat in my throat. I drove Scott's car yesterday and our relationship has not been stable. In fact, I loathe the car. I haven't had the best experience with Dodge Intrepids in the first place. Our history goes back to my senior year, when I was involved in a car chase with Katie Paciorek on the way to Lettuce Souprise You trying to outrun Jessica Scarlatto. Scott's Intrepid which I have aptly named Olive Peice of Shit with a Grey Door, has left me stranded a couple times. One of those times I was wearing high heels and had to walk a mile to class in 100 degree heat in order to make it to class (late!). I only bring up the car because there is a loose fuse somewhere and the interior lights rarely work. They didn't work last night either which meant I had to grope around in the pitch black without my glasses and point my keys at every black blob I saw listening for the faint sound of doors unlocking. I should have just pushed the panic button on my keys, but didn't want to alert the axe murderer of my presence if he was on my level. I finally found my way to the car and a new lease on life, but not without serious trauma.

Apparently, Heath Ledger spoke of dying in his last few months of life- numerous times- in articles and with friends. He was okay with it and well that's a good thing, because he did die. Well, I talk about dying all the time and I am seriously NOT okay with it. Not yet and not any time soon. Will I be ready when it is time? God, I hope so.

Gotta go home. More later.

ReTread

2008-01-15T19:02:00.000-08:00

It has been pointed out to me that I skipped over a very important event- Hawkins first Christmas. I did, but it wasn't intentional. I just write what I'm thinking about. So, let me update y'all a little bit.

The refugee- Well, Molly and I got the big R from our little refugee lady. I'm talking about rejection. She wasn't home when we went by her house at the appointed time. The area was not good. Molly and I, sheltered as we are, got scared shitless and basically threw her stuff on her front porch and peeled out of the apartment complex with tires screeching. It really wasn't that bad, but it was eye opening. There were children playing outside, people walking around... Why were we so scared just to be dropping something off? Well, first off, we stood out and that never feels good under those circumstances. And the apt. complex, too, was this huge maze with seemingly thousands of apartments. You could get lost in there and never found. We DID get lost. I don't even know if she got the stuff or not. It was kind of a bust, to be honest. I guess someone got all those presents, though. Hopefully, they found the right home.

Mama D. and Papa Tom- They arrived early Sunday morning, and of course, fell in love with Hawkins all over again. He's just so damn loveable! The place wasn't spotless, but my mom handled it in stride. Her and Tom were stuck upstairs in our office/junk room sharing a big blow up mattress. It's actually pretty comfy, but people have been known to roll off onto the floor in the middle of the night. There's also no central heating and air up there so there are some space heaters. It's basically like camping, with books stacked up everywhere in place of trees.

Christmas Eve- I felt the magic. I think we all did. Santa was on his way!!! There was some shopping, a lot of wrapping (mine was already done!yay!). My focus was the big dinner. It was fun just hanging around the house and watching my mom and Tom interact with Hawkins. They all seemed to genuinely like one another which is a good thing. There wasn't time to make Santa cookies, but we did sprinkle the lawn with reindeer treats that we got at the zoo(sparkly bird seed). There was a breif moment when Mama D. came down stairs for church wearing a flourescent green jumpsuit. I sent that woman marching right back upstairs to change. She did insist on wearing it Christmas morning and you will see it (trust me, you can't miss it) in the photos. That damn thing would have blinded the poor, baby Jesus had she worn it to church. Acutally, the homily at mass was pretty good. Fr. William was talking about how he asked a whole bunch of children what they thought the best Christmas miracle would be. One little girl said, "The best Christmas miracle would be if the baby Jesus in the Nativity jumped out of the manger and came alive!" This, I think, is the cutest thing I've ever heard and pretty apt, too. That would be a miracle indeed. Although it does seem that Jesus comes alive for people during Christmas like no other time. I guess we just need to be open to his aliveness the rest of the year. The spirit is well and thriving, we just have to act on it within us.

The Standing Rib Roast- It was fabulous! I abandoned Paula Dean's recipe for a simpler one that my UnKle Rob gave me. It was perfect- lush, juicy, tender. Damn, it was tasty! It's a good thing, too, because right after Christmas I read an article on meat processing plants and have since given up meat. So, I went out with a bang! I'm not going to be a nazi about it or anything, but I'm only going to eat meat on special occasions and when I know the meat is free of hormones, antibiotics, feces, etc. This means I'll only eat farm raised animals (preferably local) or those killed out in the wild. This stuff is expensive which is why I won't be eating much of it. That rib roast was a freakin' peice of heaven, though.

Christmas morning- Hawkins didn't really get it, but it sure was fun opening his presents for him. I will open presents for anyone and it makes me almost as happy as opening them for myself. I think the biggest hit of the day was the red wagon that Mama D. got Hawkins. He kept pulling himself up and walking around it holding on to the edges and testing out the wheels. Scott's dad is an engineer and Hawkins has it in his blood. He seems very much into seeing how things work. We all got some great presents. Scott got me an Amber necklace and earrings that I absolutely love as well as a purse I wanted made in Guatemala or one of those places down south. I'm in love with this store that the archdiocese owns called "Just Creations." It's a fair trade store where you can buy hand made crafts and all kinds of stuff from poor countries where the artisans are actually getting a decent price for their goods. So, Scott got me some stuff from there, too. Scott's big gift was a microbrewery kit with all the fixings to go along with it. My boss, Dr. Fell, has brewed beer in the past and even brought me some "Billy Beer" caps in for Scott to use. Billy Beer was brewed by Jimmy Carter's brother Billy and popular in the late 70s. Pretty cool. Mama D. got a sewing machine as her big gift and Papa Tom got a new camera. We made out like bandits!

But alas, Mama D. and Papa Tom could not stay forever. They had go back to their jobs and lives in Atlanta. We were sorry to see them go, but did enjoy our small little threesome for the remainder of the holidays. It was good for all of us, I think. Life gets so busy. It's nice to reconnect and lounge and not have to think for a few days.

We did not get to go to Chicago because Scott had to work a few hours on the 28th and a few hours on the 31st. I was not up to hauling Hawkins by myself up to see the fam. I do regret it a little b/c it sounds like I missed a lot of good gossip and a TON OF FUN!!!!

So, that was Christmas. Here are some photos of Xmas and the birthday.

So, yeah... I pretty much suck.

2008-01-14T07:17:00.000-08:00

Okay- I realize I have not posted anything in awhile. Will get to the Christmas and birthday pictures soon and load them. This week, I swear. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I could have used my 10 days off for Christmas break to do things like update my blog and such, but I chose to sit on my ass and hang out with Scott and Hawkins. So, sue me. We had so much fun together! I love those guys. Scott and Hawkins can make the most boring of situations an absolute blast. LOVE them. I don't think I got out of my pajamas half the time. Coming back to work was quite an adjustment.

I started back to school last week. Full-time work, full-time graduate school, full-time family. We'll see if I'm alive come May. I'm only taking part-time classes after this semester because there's a lot of field work to do in the schools and I just won't be able to go full-time and do field work, too. But, this semester I'm giving it a try and I'm feeling a little overwhelmed right now. On Tuesdays, I'm on campus from 8am until 10pm. This is HELL day. If I can get through Tuesdays, I'll be good to go. One down, 14 left. I'll keep y'all updated.

Will post some photos tonight or tomorrow.

This past week we had Grammy, Grampa and Uncle Charles in town for the kid's birthday. It was a full house, I can tell you. We had some family and friends over on Saturday for HP's party and it was a lot of fun. On his actual birthday, the 9th, there was a diarreah and diaper rash scare. Seriously. You never want to see blood in that area, but I did. It was our scariest day yet. And on his FREAKIN' birthday! We went to the doctor and I'm all like, "So, we need a hospital, RIGHT? Something needs to be done NOW! We need a team of physicians to fix my child's ass because he's in pain! Let's MOVE!" It just happened over night. It was terrifying, but of course, Hawkins' pediatrician, Missy, who I love, calmed me down and gave us a list of remedies. Missy is the greatest. It kindof makes me mad that she cheats on Hawkins by seeing other children, but we're willing to live with her adulterous ways b/c she's so smart and loving and great to us.

Will update with pics soon. Doing well. Hawkins is awesome, adorable, sweet, loving, smart, creative- everything you could ever want in a child. Take care!

Blobnuts blobbing on a blobby blob

2007-12-19T13:20:00.000-08:00

Guess what? I feel like a blob! Ugh. So, I've got a few minutes right now and I'm going to cram as many facts into this GD blog as possible. Okay- work party yesterday which is why I feel like a blob. Too much wine, too much chocolate, too much beer cheese and too damn much indian food. So, the holidays are upon us and I for one am having a good time despite the substantial monetary limitations Scott has placed upon me. Actually, he's been pretty generous and let me go pretty crazy in my holiday catharsis which will not end until I am back at work on Jan. 2nd. So, here's the schedule:

Friday, Dec. 21st: Last day of work for me. I get ten days off and plan on packing as much fun into them as possible. This is also the day of Hawkins' Christmas party at the babysitter's house. They drew names for a Secret Santa. Hawkins got Lucy's name. The girl is three and completely obsessed with my son. Sometimes when I pick him up, I can't get to him cuz she's all up in his face, and I'm thinking, "Girl, you need to back up and give Hawkins his space, okay. He's young. He needs to play the field a little bit." She's sweet, though. Hawkins got her some play dough, a coloring book, some Disney princess jewelry (my first Disney purchase and I'm so not happy about it. I hope to God I don't have any daughters), and we made her a kickass mixed cd called The Lucy Mix with some children's classics (Rainbow Connection, You're Never Fully Dressed, I Love to Laugh, etc...). I'm a fan at least. So, that's tommorrow on top of finishing up my shopping and cleaning our cesspool house to a degree that my mother will be happy with (this is impossible- she had white gloves surgically attached to her hands to check the cleanliness of all establishments she steps foot in).

Saturday, Dec. 22nd: This year my friends and I are sponsoring a refugee senior citizen for Christmas. It's pretty cool. We've got her a comforter, sheets and blanket for her bed, a brand new camel hair coat with matching accessories, lots of food, some bath products, cleaning products and all kinds of stuff! I'm pretty excited about it. Molly and I are taking her out to lunch on Sunday and giving her all the stuff. Jeez, I hope she speaks some English or it could be pretty awkward.
Also, finish cleaning garbage dump (my house). I know the holidays are not exactly the time to go on a rant about the slobbiness of 11 month olds, but seriously. I am sick and tired of cleaning up after this kid. When is he going to start pulling his weight around the house? We're going to start putting a tarp under his high chair every day because I'm sick of scrubbing the floor. (I'm serious!) He's a little pig.

Sunday, Dec. 23rd: Meet with said refugee. My idea is that taking her out to lunch will make her feel like a real human being and less of a charity case, you know. Because it would seem as if Molly and I were interested in her as our fellow man and all instead of just dropping off a whole bunch of stuff. Plus, poor people probably never get to go to a decent restaurant so this could be an added treat. The lunch could totally backfire in my face and be dreadful and awkward and make her feel even poorer. We'll see. Plus, Mama D. and Papa Tom arrive. Hawkins hasn't seen my mom since his baptism, so I'm pretty excited about their reunion. The kid is just so damn cute. He's pretty irrestible. Also, pick up standing rib roast from butcher.

Monday, Christmas Eve: Cook and hang with the fam and finish the wrapping. I'm keeping it simple with a standing rib roast (Paula Dean recipe I think unless my Uncle Rob tells me to use another one), sweet potato cass (a healthy version), rutabegas, whole wheat rolls, green beans, and a salad. For dessert, I think we're gonna go with a cranberry and pecan tart. The $50 slab of meat is really the highllight here. We've got some reindeer treats to sprinkle on the lawn in the evening and we're making cookies for Santa (zucchini and chocoloate chip whole wheat cookies, because seriously, that guy is headed for a heart attack if he doesn't start slimming down...).

Christmas: PRESENTS!!!!!!!!!! I can't wait. I hope everyone likes everything I got! And it's our baby's first Christmas! I'm giddy just thinking about it. It's going to be awesome.

The Day After, Dec. 26th: We're heading to Chicago to hang out with some Wheelers! It doesn't get more fun than this crew.

Okay, I've only got a few hours of work left and I haven't done jackshit today. I've gotta get on the ball. Attached are some photos of our breakfast with Santa and his reindeer and Frosty at the zoo. It was rainy and so we didn't get to hang with the Polar Bears. I was pissed... Hawkins was not afraid of Santa, but he was highly distrustful. Same with Frosty as you can see from the picture. It was much fun, though, and of course I had tears in my eyes the whole damn time because the kids were freaking their shit over Santa and it was just adorable. Anyway- gotta go...

Salad Frenzy

2007-12-04T03:42:00.000-08:00

I know, I know. It's been awhile. Finals, the holidays and life in general have me swamped. I do realize I say something like this every time I post now. It's annoying.

So, Thanksgiving is over which means that nothing stands in my way to Christmas! I love it! We went to N.C. to hang with Scott's folks and had a blast. I really like the town of Raleigh. It's one of those little big cities that have enough to offer all cultural tastes, but isn't so big that it's intimidating. I dig college towns and it's one of them. The one drawback to living in a college town, though, would be the bars. There's like one on every corner. This is fine and years ago, I would have been all over that. This year, though, I just wanted to walk around and shop. Scott and I finally saw it as a sign, though, that we were supposed to stop in and have a drink because the shopping in the city was pretty much a dud. We went to this Irish pub called the Hibernian and had lunch and a couple drinks. Their Bloody Marys were perfect. I chose the Greek salad and was rewarded ten fold. This thing was a giant. The presentation was the coolest I've ever seen. The base of the salad were these gargantuan slices of tomato- no lettuce. The stacked upon each other in a culinary totem were cucumbers, artichokes, carrots, onions. And it tasted as good as it looked. The salad was doubly impressive because the day before I'd gorged myself on the typical Thanksgiving foods and felt like a big blob of mashed potato all day. The salad totally energized me. Okay, I know, enough about the salad...

Attached are some photos. I'll try to post a little more often. Should be easier in the interim between semesters.

Technology sucks

2007-11-06T11:01:00.000-08:00

Okay- so today I've read about robot doctors seeing patients in rural areas and about microchips put in school uniforms to track student's whereabouts. What the hell? I can't even get pictures to upload to this damn website and there are robots treating sick people. Ugh. I hate technology. I wish we were still milking REAL cows that were not exuding some weird growth hormone that gives 8 year old girls boobs! It's gross! What is happening to us? Scott and I are giving up meat. There is just too much nasty stuff out there. We'll just eat a lot of beans and fart a lot or something. Isn't that better than the alternative?

Below- if it freakin' works- I'm posting some photos.

Gotta get back to work.

Playing Catch Up

2007-11-01T09:01:00.000-07:00

This past week has been SO fun and SO busy. Hawkins is in the last quarter of his first year and it all seems like it's gone by so fast! I just want to freeze time and live in every moment for eternity (the good ones at least- and maybe even some of the bad ones). This is what we've been up to:

Weekend- Scott and I went to the UofL game against Pittsburgh. We were hoping for a close exciting game and we got one! It was, of course, because UofL kept screwing up their leads and letting Pitt score, but we won in the end. Nosebleed seats wouldn't quite describe where we sat. Thank goodness there isn't a bad seat in the Cardinal stadium because we were literally in THE very last, highest row. Actually, our seats were a little better than that, but we had friends in the section above us and so chose to sit with them. It was our first Saturday together without the kid in a while and it felt great to get out there among the throngs of people and represent a couple in love instead of parents.

Saturday evening, I donned a mullet wig and what I thought a construction worker might wear and went to a Halloween party. It was not a long night, though, because I knew I had to take care of Hawkins early the next morning. It was great to sit back and relax and listen to Molly tell stories from college, though. Our friend LeeAnne also has a pretty good story about telling Britney Spears off eight years ago. Apparently, a six year old little girl, dressed completely in Spears garb and holding one of her cds approached and Britney Spears gave the little girl an eat shit look, turned up her nose and kept walking. Seeing this ensue, LeeAnn goes, "You are a bitch, Britney Spears! This little girl made you!" Damn!

Halloween Eve- Carved pumpkins at Molly's mom's house. This was fun, but different from last year. Hawkins is very into getting around right now and so had to be watched constantly. Gone are the days when Scott and I can sit leisurely around trying to decide what kind of pumpkin face we want. We had to take turns and get down to business when we had the chance. I had been thinking about what kind of face I wanted for a few days (I prefer grumpy pumpkins). Hawkins was so cute with the dogs, though. He really loves animals and wasn't afraid of The Dude either who is a 110 lb. blood hound. The Dude sat patiently near, while Hawkins proceeded to stretch his jowls, poke him in the eyes, and enact all sorts of other abuses. The Dude just took it. He's such a sweetie. Elly was great, too, jumping up to lick Hawkins in the face with caused him to giggle (which is like the most perfect sound that exists).

Halloween- Scott and I rushed home like wild gypsies, picked up the kid, ran to the store and got candles for the pumpkins and candy to give out. Then we threw Hawkins into his chicken suit and got out there on the street so that he could get some good trick or treating done before his usual post afternoon nap. He was kind of out of it, and pretty disgruntled by the costume. He eventually resigned himself to the outfit, but not without a fight. It was fun, although, I will admit that I was more into it than Hawkins or Scott (as you can see from the pictures- Whatever!). Scott's the one who got all the candy, too! Don't know what the heck he was complaining about. So, once we got home, I just sat on the porch steps with the candy bowl watching the action. The kids were hilarious- so excited to be dressed up and getting candy. What is it about Halloween that is so much fun to kids? Seriously, though, there was some visable electric currents moving through these children- sheer delight, total abandon, absolute energy- Fabulous! One kid was just running. He couldn't stop. Just running in his ninja turtle outfit (are they back?)down the sidewalk with his mom and older sister sort of shrugging along behind him. It was so fun to watch. Then I had to go in and give Hawkins a bath. Scott won't answer the door for trick or treaters because it makes him nervous. I answer the door on Halloween and Scott answers the door every other day of the year. That's our deal. So, I left our big witch's cauldron full of candy on the front porch with a note saying, "take a handful." Well, I went out to retrieve the candy bowl half an hour later and it was upside down in the bushes. I guess someone had gotten mad that there was no candy left and so threw it in a fit of rage. Oh well. At least we got rid of all our candy! It was a better turnout than last year.

The past week, we've just been doing Have To's and not many fun things. Not cool. The semester is winding down and so I've got a lot of school work due in the next month.

Late photos

2007-10-23T08:03:00.000-07:00

It has long been a dream of mine to attend a mustache party. I think I first heard the idea from Molly about five years ago. She wanted to bet her three male roommates that Georgia would beat Auburn at football. The bet was that at the next party the house threw, they'd have to grow mustaches. If Georgia and Molly lost, she'd have to let them pick out an outfit for her to wear to the party. Well, Georgia lost and Molly ended up wearing a diaper (over sweatpants), viking horns and a little dog nose to the party. So, our dreams of seeing the guys sporting Magnum P.I.s, was put on hold. A few weeks ago, our friend Kelly was talking to us about planning her birthday party. After a few drinks, Molly and I talked her into throwing mustaches into the mix. Basically, you show up wearing your own personal stache. Below are some photos of the event. I chose a classic look as opposed to Molly's Josemite Sam facial hair. Jeannette should get props, too, for subtlety. She chose a lightly drawn mustache with a thick unibrow reminiscent of Frida Callo. My mustache kept falling off. So, finally I just drew a mustache on with Jeannette's mascara. Below the mustache pics are some photos of our jaunt at the pumpkin farm and some pics of the kid.

Post Guilt

2007-10-13T18:16:00.000-07:00

So, it finally feels like Autumn and I'm so freakin' excited. I don't want to see a pair of shorts for six months. Then, of course, I'll hate the cold and want summer. But not yet. So, this summer we kicked off the cool weather with a visit to Huber's Orchard for some apple picking, pumpkin picking and ratty, smelly animal petting. I was so excited about it, but there were some definite obstacles. Our camera battery died on the very first photo I took. This was a huge setback, but we rallied and found a disposable one in the little market they have there. We had the same problem last year and I really don't think I could have handled it again. Anyway--

Our first stop was the pumpkin patch. So, we hitched a tractor ride and headed down the dirt road with diesel exhaust and dust filling our lungs. Once we got to the farm part, pumpkins were everywhere! I saw a perfect little spot where all the pumpkins were level, bright orange, and solid, but the driver dropped us off on the complete opposite side of the field from the really good pumpkins. That's alright, though, because I didn't want a supermodel pumpkin anyway. I chose the first pumpkin I saw- oval, orange and cheerful. Scott found one that was the perfect size for Hawkins and seem to mimic his oddly shaped head and so we picked that one for the baby. The Daddy pumpkin that Scott chose is just like him! It has perfect form and posture and is a little larger than the other ones. Once we had chosen the pumpkins, it seemed a little anticlimactic and so I felt like I needed to get another one. I'm feeling guilty about it now, but the first pumpkin I picked just didn't suit me. The next one wasn't nearly as good looking, but I wanted to take it instead. Someone will take that other one. But the one we took home, splotchy and mishapen needed a little love. I just hope someone takes the one I left behind.

We decided to skip the apple orchard because Hawkins and his entourage (bags, stroller, etc....) were getting heavy and cumberosme with the pumpkins. We loaded the car and headed for the petting zoo. I'm glad Hawkins got to see the animals, but these types of places are a little depressing. The animals did seem to get a real kick out of the people, though. And gosh do they love to be fed. I hope the owners feed them enough. I think my new favorite animals are goats. They were so friendly. One of them kept licking Hawkins hand and he thought it was so funny. He was laughing his ass off. And so strange looking. Some had horns and little beards and some had mini mohawks. They had personality. The deer, I hate to say, were a little boring.
An off day maybe.

Need to go. Will finish this post sometime soon. I will be better about posting. If only I knew people were reading! Life has just been insane with work, school, and family. It's great, but a little taxing. I hate to sound like a broken record, but I feel a little overwhelmed by it all sometimes. Will post some photos later if I have the time...

Real Quick

2007-08-31T11:09:00.000-07:00

If you have kids, you'll love this site!

I want every single damn toy they make! The developmental toys for babies are fabulous!

www.manhattantoy.com

Prodigal Return

2007-08-31T06:41:00.000-07:00

Okay- so I guess I've been a shitty blogger lately. I'm just so friggin' busy with school and work. The beginning of the semester is my busiest time here at work and I haven't had any time to just chill. I'll give you a quick breakdown of our lives for the last two weeks.

-I have Music in the Classroom at 8am MWF. This morning, we did the Virginia Reel for an hour. I'm a dork, so TOTALLY loved it. We also learned Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth's first dance from the A&E/BBC Pride and Prejudice- the one at Sir William Lucas' house. I learned it!!! I'm so excited! For the class, we have a music teacher and a dance teacher and I am loving most of it. It's so lame, though. We have to sing EVERYTHING. We even sing the roll call! When your name is called, you have to sing SOLO! It's ridiculous and terrifying and not at all what anyone should have to do at 8am. But if you want to be a teacher, you can't be afraid to look like an idiot. That's the greatest lesson learned so far in this class, I think.

-Hawkins is great. He's trying to hard so crawl and does a little bit of the snail (pulling whole body with just arms). He also does this weird moving version of the plank pose in yoga. Very advanced. He's so alive and awake to the world and seems to want to catch everything. He loves the outdoors- birds chirping, dogs barking, tree leaves swaying, clouds moving, bees bumbling. It's all just so grand to him (okay- and me, too). He's cuter than ever and is actually getting some HAIR! We'll be able to do a good mohawk soon. I'm excited.

-Scott and I leave for Fla. this evening. Life has been such a whirlwind that it hasn't really hit me yet. Tomorrow morning at this time, we'll be walking on the beach! I don't even have a damn bathing suit! Ugh. I hate them all! I have bottoms, but just no matching top. Dumbass me. I'm a little scared to leave Hawkins, although, I trust Scott's mom. The idea of being so far from him is just kind of paralyzing. A five day break with my man will be nice, though. I don't know what the hell we're going to do with so much free time. I've been trying to read All the Pretty Horses for a year. Maybe this time, I'll get through it.

Work is work. A little more stressful atmosphere b/c someone in our office has cancer and everyone is concerned.

I'm continuing to work out pretty regularly. I'm not weighing myself, though. My clothes will be the judge. A few people have commented that I look thinner, but I can't really tell. Maybe soon.

Scott has an interview when we get back from Fla. This would mean a substantial raise in our monthly income. Send good, confident, intelligent, well-spoken vibes to him on Thursday! I'm sure he'll do great, but still! He'll be nervous and need those good thoughts!

Happy Labor Day weekend! (lots of happy, little work)

-

Is this freakin' kid cute, or WHAT?

2007-08-15T13:01:00.000-07:00

Here are a few recent photos...

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Hawkins doing a little light reading. He goes through like a couple of books a day. He's reading at fourth grade level. He's pretty smart.

I mean, come on! This picture almost makes me want to mash a sweet potato in my face!

He is so sweet! I think Hawkins looks like Scott's dad in this photo.

He's a barrell of laughs in the bathtub... When he's not shitting in it.

That's it. No time. Finals this week.

Weekend Update

2007-08-13T11:46:00.000-07:00

It's been awhile. I'm sure everyone's been waiting with bated breath for the next word from the Bacons, eh? Well, to be honest, I don't have a great reason for keeping mum. Life has been busy, but no more than usual. The time just seems to be going and I don't know where. The past two weekends, as I said in the previous post, have been blissful, even boring, but MAGNIFICENT.

Friday night, Scott and I watched the 70's version of Get Carter (recommended by my favorite movie buff!). Michael Caine is just great. Seething and sexy and sophisticated and pretty damn funny, too- If only every assasin had this much going for him! It's pretty intense. We actually watched it in one sitting which does not happen anymore.

Saturday I went shopping and got my hair cut. I'm still sorting out my feelings about the style. In the salon, I felt daring, edgy and modern. It looked good! But now that I'm doing my own hair, it looks positively dowdy and mommish. The problem is, I got a little too cocky. The subtle bangs looked really good last time, and so I decided to really go for it. So now I have a head full of bangs akin to Molly's 3rd to 6th grade haircut. I wouldn't call it a mullet, but I wouldn't exactly disagree with someone who did. It's fine. Really.

Sunday, just lazed around all day with S and H and studied for the GRE which I take on Saturday. I haven't studied at all because of this STUPID math class I'm in. This class, despite my hatred for it, is actually doing some good because it's requainted me with thinking in a mathematical way which I'll have to do for the GRE. I just wish I didn't have my math final the DAY BEFORE the GRE. That was really bad planning on my part. Regardless to say, when that damn test is over, I'm headin' straight to the bar for a shot of TEQUILA! I'm just kidding, but I think Scott and I are going to try and go out for dinner that night and maybe catch a movie. I just want to reward myself a little. I have a secret fantasy that Scott is going to get me a gift certificate to the Z Spa as a "job well done," but I ain't holdin' my breath.

The highlight of the weekend was really last night during Hawkins' bath. He took a MASSIVE dump in the bathtub while it was full of water and his toys and his bath seat and everything. The next hour was spent disinfecting and cleaning everything within reach. He seemed so cheerful in the midst of Scott and I's panic. I think I saw him laughing about it in his crib later on that night!

That's about it. I'll have some new pics soon. They're on a different computer.

The Bliss of Boredom

2007-08-03T09:26:00.000-07:00

So, this weekend Scott, Hawkins and I are doing absolutely nothing. I'm so excited. We're just going to veg and rejuvinate from the past weeks and months of activity. I'm going to do yoga, maybe some cleaning and see the Harry Potter movie. And that's IT!

Today has been a bit of a drag at work. No one but me here and nothin' much to do. I just ate half a bag of honey mustard pretzels out of boredom. Now I have a pain in my left side.

Scott and I are looking for a good laptop. We don't really know where to start. For my part, I just want to go to Best Buy and hand the Geek Squad a load of cash and have them pick out what's best for us. I'm just so clueless when it comes to computers. I just want to be able to get on the internets and stuff, you know? And have a good video and photo editing program.

So, that's about it for us. I should have some good photos of Hawkins on Monday.

OH! And I got Hawkins Halloween costume, but it's a surprise. He's going to be so ADORABLE!!! Can't friggin' wait. Actually, I probably won't be able to limit myself to one costume, but we have his first one! Yay! Fall is almost here!

WTF?

2007-08-01T12:23:00.000-07:00

Okay- so, I've been working out pretty steadily for about two and a half weeks now- weights and cardio. So, why in God's holy name are all my pants tighter. Seriously, I about died. My love handles are hanging over shorts that weren't even tight two weeks ago. What is happening? And why did God choose me to try sick experiments on? I'm trying to get THINNER! Ugh. This certainly is not the motivating factor that I needed. As if I don't have enough against me as it is! I have little time; I am afraid to get sweat on the machines; Exercise is just unattractive. I mean, does anyone look good doing squats? Does anyone's ass look good in the mirror upside down when they are doing hip lifts? And now, on top of all of these obstacles, I've got to deal with getting bigger on top of it.

Lauriann? Brig? Help me out here. Tell me there's hope. Tell me that I will get smaller and SOON. I won't have anything to wear if I don't get smaller soon.

In other news, today is Wednesday which means it's veggie day! We've got corn, potatoes, peppers, onions, squash, eggplant, beans, tomatoes, garlic, swiss chard, and WATERMELON! That's should be sweet! No cucumbers. Hmmm. Haven't gotten any new recipes lately.

Hawkins is developing admirably. He's sitting up now, eating a cheerio like food, and we're just now starting him on the sippy cup. He understands the concept, but doesn't use it very well on his own yet. Sometimes I look in his crib and he looks like this big farmer kid raised on the land and fed meat and potatoes each day, and sometimes he looks like a little baby, innocent and fragile. He really likes to grab faces now and I love it. He'll raise his tiny hands and put them on each cheek and just hold your face. Then he tries to pull your face close to his as if he wanted to kiss you. It's very sweet until he grabs my hair and holds on with his death grip while I have my head turned up upside down and begin to lose consciousness from the pain.

Since I'm on the subject of hair I will update you on gross ball of hair on the sidewalk. It was actually on the sidewalk this morning. Someone's been messing around with it, apparently, because there hasn't been any wind. It looked like it had moved about a foot. Whose hair is it?

Gross Ball of Hair

2007-07-31T12:08:00.000-07:00

I haven't posted much lately because I haven't felt like saying much. I just don't have anything to say. The first thing that came to my mind when I thought of writing something was the image of this disgusting ball of hair that I have passed on my way to and fro work for the past week. It's in the grass by the sidewalk and I can't figure out a)if it's human, b)if is was cut or torn c)why someone would drop their hair in this location. It's not near a house or a store or anything really. There's just an overpass. It's been disturbing me. Yep. That's about it for what's inside my brain right now. I mean, there are other things, but does anyone really want to read my to do list?

There's clothes. I want some new ones.

There's fitness. I'm trying to get in shape.

There's toys. I found a new brand of toy for Hawkins and I'm obsessed with the company- Whoozit.com. Check it out.

There's the farm vegetables that I love. I think I've exhausted that topic. (we did get a MASSIVE squash last week that defies measurements. Think whale.)

There's Hawkins and Scott. They rock. We all know that.

There's family and friends who are all great.

There's work which is work and school which is school.

And then there's that gross ball of hair again. Right there. Staring up at me not just twice a day, but in my mind's eye as well. All the time! Ugh. Yuck. I hate hair.

The New Catholic and the Deathly Hallows

2007-07-24T08:36:00.000-07:00

So, the weekend was a blast, but thank GOD it's friggin' over. Had the fam in town and Unc did the Baptism which was so cool. The track was closed which I was so annoyed about. So, after the brunch at my house (which went on til about 3:30), we only had time to do a quick little tour downtown. It was so great to see everyone.

My mom and stepdad met Scott's parents for the first time and though that was a bit awkward, it was fine. It has always made me uncomfortable when different worlds meet, but I got through it okay. Scott was a great wingman and shared all hosting duties equally with me. He was fabulous. Hawkins was even in a pretty good mood the whole weekend. Except of course, during the actual baptism when he screamed as if it was an exorcism. The holy chrism Unc massaged into his scalp had this miraculous calming effect. He just looked up at Uncle Charles with his big hazel eyes and stopped crying. He looked just about to die for in his baptism gown and in his white suit he wore to brunch.

Saturday night we dined at Captain's Quarters on the river and damn was it good. I had the Asian seared Tuna which was so fantastic. I really need to learn how to cook seafood like that. Boater's literally dock their boats at the restaurant, order from the menu and eat their meals in their boats while the rest of us unlucky folks eat at the restaurants looking longingly at the boating vessels from our tables on shore. It's equally depressing and fun. You get to see how the other half lives and pretend that you will get to live that way some day. It almost feels like you're at the beach. After dinner people came over to our house and we sat outside on lawn chairs, had a couple of beers and chatted for a couple hours before heading to bed in anticipation for the all important day- Hawkins' Baptism.

Fast forward to Sunday morning. Scott's Aunt Chirpy and her two sons and their families made it out for the day and we were very excited about that. Driving up to the church there was already a crowd of folks waiting for us before they went into church. All in all about 35 people made it to the baptism and we had 30 for the lunch afterwards. We had a really good time and were really appreciative to all the people who came out to celebrate Hawkins' initiation into the great, big world of Catholicism. I really don't think there's a religion that's more fun out there.

Here are a few pictures of the weekend.
Here's Hawkins and everybody's favorite godmother, Aunt Mo!

Scott and Hawkins wearing a solemn expression to fit the seriousness of the occasion.

This is Hawkins and his second cousin Caroline. Let me tell you, he was totally trying to get with her. She was workin' it and playing hard to get and it worked, man! He hasn't stopped talking about her since!

Here are the two grandmothers, giddy over their genius grandchild.

Unc the Baptist and his Baptizee, Hawkins. They make quite a pair, don't they?

Hawkins, Godfather Matt and his partner Wally

Matt and Wally had some serious flight trouble to and fro Louisville. I just hope it hasn't scared them off from visiting again!

It was a great weekend, but Scott and I are looking forward to some down time for the next month before our getaway to the beach.

The Harry Potter book arrived on my doorstep Saturday morning and because of visiting family and friends and my math test yesterday, I was not allowed to touch it until last night. I'm only 180 pages in and so much has happened already. Eeeek! I hope Harry makes it!

Today's Scott and I's anniversary. We're too damn tired to do anything tonight. We've got a babysitter on Saturday night and will celebrate it then. 1 year. It seems like just days ago and yet it seems like 30 years ago. I feel like we've always known each other, always been married. It's been a crazy year, but a really great one, too.

Mathematics is my Life

2007-07-18T08:03:00.000-07:00

Cheryl and Scott's nephew Tommy who is almost a year old.

Grampa and Hawkins comparing chins. They are remarkably similar.

Scott and Hawkins poolside. Ladies, don't you dare try going after my man now that you've seen him with his shirt off. Keep your hands off that hot specimen!

Grammy and Hawkins in the pool.

Tommy in the pool

Scott's brother Alex and his son Tommy

So, I've neglected the blog lately. I'm just waiting for life to slow down a bit. After this weekend, we've got smoothe sailing for about a month before we go to Florida. That should be a time to reflect and really dish about the jumbled up events of the last few weeks. Actually, 5 days with just Scott and I shacked up at the beach sounds freakin' amazing right now.

This weekend, however, should be really fun with the folks we have coming in town for the Baptism. Scott's mom and I got Hawkins a gown to wear and he looks so adorable. It's weird because although he looks all boy, in his little dress, I can kinda see what our baby girl would look like if we had one. So cute. We also got him a little white jumpsuit to wear to brunch after the baptism. The kid will be stylin' and that's all there is to it. So, we've got Cousin Tim, Wife Gina, Baby Caroline, Godfather Matt, Partner Wally, Mama D., Papa Tom, Grammy, Grampa, Aunt Chirpy, Cousin David and let us not forget--- Uncle CHARLES!!! coming in town. Should be a good time.

This past weekend, we went to Raleigh to visit with Scott's parents and Scott's brother's family. Hawkins met his cousin Tommy for the first time which was good fun. I also met Scott's brother Alex and his wife Cheryl. They were great folks and I'm looking forward to getting to know them better in the coming years. His parents I already love, but it was nice to meet more of Scott's fam. There have been some distance issues in the past with his parents living in Texas, but now that they are in NC it should be easier to see everyone. Raleigh is still a 10 hour drive, but it's not too bad. Genius Hawkins was great on the trip, but began to do this mating ape noise in the car on the way home and has continued to do it intermittenly since. It's basically like, "oohoohoohoohoohoohooh" over and over again.

Alright. I'll have to post more later. I have a quiz today and this class is seriously kicking my ass. I would gladly take the last one I despised in place of this one. I didn't know it could get worse, but it does. Kindergardeners are not going to need to learn about coordinates and y axises and all this shit, so why do I have to learn it all. Ugh. I worked on my homework for 3 hours last night. Who has three hours to devote to math homework? Ugh. Will write more later, but wanted to post these pics.

Bats

2007-07-12T08:45:00.000-07:00

I'll post a bit more later, but wanted to get these photos from the Bats game up. Today has been utter madness and we leave at 3am for Raleigh. I'll just start with this: I dropped our crockpot on my FACE this morning and it looks like Scott hit me.

Upheaval and Squats

2007-07-10T13:31:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling it and the thing is... nothing HUGE is going on. We're going out of town this weekend. I just started a new class. We have family coming in town for Hawkins' baptism. It's not that much. Why do I feel so overwhelmed by the thought of it all. I think it's just because I'm tired. It sucks. I'm sort of tired all the time now. I never feel like I get enough sleep b/c I pretty much wake up at least once a night with Hawkins. Ugh. Well, that leads me to my first topic today: The Campus Health Initiative! I'm doin' it! UofL has gyms and physical trainers at the beck and call of any employee who wants to shape up. I'm going next week for my "assessment." Dear God, last time I had my fat calculated I was thinner than I am now and I was depressed for a week. Oh well. I've got to get started. This will do a few things. Most importantly, (for shallow me) it will make me look fabulous. And feel fabulous and have more energy and all that. But, I will look FABULOUS! Yay! Now, every other time I've gotten on a program, I've become obsessed and really started to make healthy changes in my life. That's the only way I'll do it. As Coach Bob says in John Irving's Hotel New Hampshire, "You've got to get obsessed and stay obsessed." Well, Coach Bob, that's exactly what I intend to do. I'll even do squats if I have to...

I am excited about our trip to Raleigh this weekend. I love North Carolina and I haven't been there nearly enough. Scott's parents chose a great place to move to. They were in Texas- my nausea inducing, Bush gestating ground, least favorite of all states. So, N.C. is definitely an improvement. I look forward in the coming years to dropping the kid off at Grammy and Grampa's house and heading for Nagshead and/or the mountains with Scott for some romantic getaways and fun.

My new class is really just the second version of the last freakin' class I took (teaching elementary school math). It sucks even more, though, because the teacher is really into and expects us all to pay attention. She really shouldn't have become a mathematician if she expected people to actually listen to her. Ugh. We even had to make desk plates with our name and "symbol" on it. I want to become a teacher, but I don't want to do this kind of bullshit. I don't have a symbol. I made a mouse out of my initials which really has nothing to do with me. So, this getting to know you game that "thought-provoking" professors make you do on the first day of class is actually all one big lie. I was surprised by the jock beside me who wrote his name very fancy and squiggly with dots on each point of the letters of his name and then outlined the letters of his name with this design marker that wrote two lines at once. It looked very feminine. Who knows.

Well, I now get to go do what makes everything worth while- hang out with Scott and Hawkins... So, I'm out.

2007-07-09T13:48:00.000-07:00

I've only got time for a couple things before I head home. I'll write more tomorrow. Today's been kinda crazy with training in the morning and a final in the afternoon. I'm pretty sure I got an A in this class. I'll be pissed if I didn't, man. Anyway, thing ONE- The Vidalia Dicer- It friggin' rocks. I got it over the weekend cuz Scott and I cut up some vegetables like crazy. My mom noticed this and so got us one. One push and you've got a freakin' diced tomato. It's pretty sweet. I'm in love with the thing. It chops up all sorts of stuff. Item #2 and then I'm out for today... Oh. I don't even remember what it was.

I'll catch up tomorrow.

Ahhh... Memories

2007-07-06T08:53:00.000-07:00

Here are some pictures. Everyone I've spoken to says that the photos did not do any of us justice which I'm really freakin' hoping cuz... Well, um... Judging from the photos, we aren't the most attractive bunch. Although, I've never claimed that bright green was my color, it certainly seemed like it looked better on the day of than it seems to in retrospect. There are some REALLY bads one that Scott's bff Adam took. I've decided that if I ever get egotistical, I need to pull out those bad boys and I'll back to my usual self-deprecating Amber.

So, here they are in all their UN-Glory... Although, Molly looks pretty damn good!

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This is a pic from the Bachelorette Derby evening when Brig, Molly and I went to Fourth Street Live and tried to act like we were 21 again.

Chillin' in the cry room waiting for our cue to get lined up (Ave Maria)

Me and Brig backstage before the big show.

Molly and her sister Jenn (Maid of Honor), awaiting the ceremony.

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Um, yeah... This is me and Brig shakin' it hardcore on the danceflo. I think this was right after I said something like, "Yeah, I'm just not really feelin' it tonight. No song has pushed the limits and made me want to break it down hardcore..." And then they played Push It.

This is Steve givin' Molly a little spin on the dancefloor. This was at the end of the night when they redid their first dance b/c the dj played the WRONG song for their actual first dance. It was supposed to be Harvest Moon and the dj played Promise of a Man by Neil Young instead. So, at the end of the night, the second to last song, the dj played the right song for them. It was a great moment. Then, sort of out of the blue, people grabbed candles from the table and started to encircle them with light. It was one of those perfect moments in life that brands itself onto your brain forever.

Brig, Polly and I at the Outlook Inn after the reception. This is where the evening takes a turn and gets a little fuzzy. We look like we're having a great time in the pictures, though.

The guy on the far left is some random guy we all met at the Outlook. We gave him fake names (I was Leslie) and basically spent the night talking him up. At one point, we gave him a standing ovation of sorts for absolutely no reason. I'm not really sure how it all started, but I'm pretty sure Jason talked the guy up so much that we all were pretty excited about him. To be honest, I know it was Molly's wedding and all, but at some point in the evening, it really became "Jason's night out..." We just followed his lead.

Saturday night at the Monkey Wrench- Molly, Ryan, Brian and Derek recreating a photo taken at 999 Willivee when they were all roommates. It is frightening how little these guys have changed. It looks like the same damn photo.

Not the best photo we've ever taken, but this is me and my man, S.D.

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Brig, Me, Scott and Ryan before we were all annihilated.

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Molly and Anne Marie cuttin' a rug...

Ryan, Brian, Brig and Me all dressed up. This is at the beginning of the reception.

Molly and the boys upstairs, Ryan, Brian and Derek

Molly, still single, in the cry room getting ready to make her entrance.

Molly and her folks walking down the aisle. Mr. and Mrs. Wade are smokin' in their get-ups!

Molly and Steve leave the church amid wellwishers and bubbles. I like this picture a lot. They look really happy.

Molly (and her cousin Jenn) feeling the excitement as we await the ceremony.

Scott and I nursing hangovers at the Bluegrass BBQ the next day.

Ryan and Molly at the Monkey Wrench Saturday night after an exhausting three days of partying.

A good time was had by most all. Steve and Molly are in Mexico right now through Sunday. It hasn't even been a week and I already miss them!

Wedding Hangover

2007-07-03T12:44:00.000-07:00

Yesterday provided some nice regrouping time, but I'll be honest... I'm still tired as haaaaayyyyyeeeeeellllllllll. Jeez. I didn't think Scott and I still had it in us, but we partied like rockstars for four days straight. I don't even know where to start.

First of all, Molly was the best bride. Seriously, in the week leading up to the big events, she was calm, laidback, funny, and gracious- her usual self. I thought for sure that touches of Bridezilla would show through at some point during the week, but I was wrong. She was simply fabulous.

The kick off to the wedding festivities was Thursday evening at the rehearsal. Beforehand, Brig, Molly, Lynn, Polly and I all went and had mani-pedis at an Asian shop nearby Molly's. I got a lovely peptobismal color on my fingers and toes by mistake. Seriously, I've been searching for this Holy of Grails pink color all my life and never once found it. I don't know why I always choose pink. I don't even really like pink, but for some reason, I always choose pink when I get my nails done. And it always look like peptobismal. I really should have gone with a brown or a coral. I wanted to do black since it is in right now and a bit edgy, but I didn't want to piss off Molly or her parents. Alright, there's a lot to cover, I don't need to get bogged down in my nail color choice. We then had the wedding rehearsal, and man, the liturgical director at St. Barnabus- Dennis- really knew his liturgical shit, man. I seriously think he had the pope's number on speed dial just in case we were thinking of doing anything that was against doctrine. Not much of a kidder, Dennis. I tried, beleive me, to throw in a couple jokes here and there to break the tension, but he was having none of it. The groomsmen, slackers that they are, were all like 30 minutes late and so there was some time to chat. I had to walk down the aisle with the most, how do I say this... interesting looking of the bunch. Such a nice guy, but he's no Scottie, I'll tell you that right now. Once everyone actually showed up, the rehearsal went off well and Dennis walked away happy and unafraid that we were going to do cartwheels down the aisle or anything. Steve did do a some type of skating move off the steps of the altar toward the end of the rehearsal, but Dennis wasn't looking, thank god.

Back at the homestead, Molly's family had put together an open house for everyone that had come in town. So, Scott and I partied it up there until around 11pm. The food was great! There was this sausage pasta deal, italian breads, cheesecakes and salad. And of course, some beer and wine to keep the conversation and laughter flowing. This was a late night for me, but I had no idea what I was getting into. The nights would keep getting later, and crazier... Along with Brig, Scott and I, a bunch of Atlanta folks made a showing that night including Derek, Sarah, Ryan, Tim (Steve's twin), Robert and others.

Alright... looks like I'm gonna have to finish this post tommorrow. Scott and I have a hot date tonight!

Post post

2007-06-27T12:09:00.000-07:00

I've seen two disturbing trends on campus in the past two days.

a) Men wearing capris

b) Men with hair pulled half back

Both of these things are highly reprehensible and should not be tried. Ever. Don't do it.

Why I Love My Scottie... By Amber WheelBake

2007-06-27T07:28:00.000-07:00

So, we all know how disgruntled hubby gets when I don't clean the cat litter every day. Even though it's in the basement and we hardly ever go down there... he somehow just knows... Well, at work yesterday, I had a flash in my mind of feces and tiny little pebble granules and realized I HAD FORGOTTEN. So, I very cautiously dialed Scott's number to warn him and confess my negligence. When I got home yesterday evening the first thing he says to me is, "I believe you have something to take care of downstairs." I sigh, grumble to myself, and head downstairs to rid my house of cat waste. I go down the stairs and find that my lovely, lovely, lovely Scott D. had already cleaned it as a surprise for me! This is real life romance, y'all. He is seriously, the BEST. Everyone should be jealous of me--- even guys.

Mama D. is in town now. Our tiny house is already beginning to feel a bit claustrophobic. And I'm afraid that not being a morning person, I was a bit snotty to her this morning. She can't blame me. She's known me longer than anyone and should know by now not to talk to me at certain times.

I made a bad decision last night. I should have bought self tanning lotion, but I thought a couple times in the tanning bed would do me no wrong. I only wanted to look tan for MOLLY's freaking wedding! Molly and Jenn did this thing that costs $50 at a spa where someone rubs your body down with a chemical that reacts to your own pigment. Not liking to be touched by strangers and not wanting to fork out that kind of money, I decided against this option. The only time I used a self-tanner I turned out orange and blotchy. Ask Auburn, he actually remembers this from freshman year in high school. I must have looked pretty bad. So, anyway, I threw caution to the wind and went to a tanning bed. I was only in there for 10 minutes, but this morning i looked like a raccoon except red and white instead of grey and white. At least with my glasses on, the white "goggles" around my eyes aren't so obvious. I feel like going and demanding my money back. Those places should be illegal. Whatever.

Today from the farm we're getting some real goodies... tomatoes!!!!!!! onions, carrots, green and purple? beans, eggplant, cabbage, squash and cucumbers. The drought has not been good, though. Summer's just beginning and only 1/2 inch of rain in the last three weeks. Scary. I've been experimenting with cabbage lately. My best bet has been a cabbage variation on potatoes au gratin, but healthier.

I'm tired today. I woke up at 5am this morning in a panic because Hawkins had not woken up. I went in his room and he was on his stomach with his face pressed against his crib bumper. Without my glasses, I couldn't see him breathing. It was frightening. I laid my hand on his back praying that he was still alive and he WAS! Thank God. Every morning he's alive seems like some small miracle. He's healthy. Why am I so damned worried he's going to croak?

The New Walmart

2007-06-26T06:24:00.000-07:00

There is a Starbucks on campus that I go to everyday. The only problem is, it isn't a real Starbucks. It's a campus version. They don't have real baristas, only a snotty nosed little manager that needs to attend the Kmart Customer Service training that I went to in high school. She's got the worst attitude. I walk out of there pissed off nearly every day for several reasons: 1- you can't depend on the drink tasting the same way each day. 2- the unintentional rudeness of the employees. Who has a conversation with someone while they're supposed to be taking my GD order? The thing is... I don't think they understand that they're being rude. 3-my flipflops sound different on each foot and no matter how hard I try, I cannot get my feet to flop with the same urgent slap on each foot. My left foot keeps everything in line with a rigid slap on the marble flooring where as my right foot drags. The tile in the library where the faux Starbucks lies only exacerbates the loudness of the left foot verses the laziness of the right. These things haunt me, and yet I continue to patronize the damn place. Scott doesn't approve of Starbucks any more. He thinks they're the new Walmart, but I don't believe it. Or maybe I don't want to believe it.

This is serious because I openly berate people about going to Walmart. I really don't want to be committing any similar offense after what I put others through. Nothing makes me madder than three things- Walmart, Bush, and kids making fun of retarded people. Why do people still think it's funny to act retarded? It's not. It's so ridiculously sophomoric and stupid. I don't get the humor and it isn't because of Terry. It's because I know what is actually funny and what it not. Back to the issue, though--- The people that work at Starbucks don't look like the people at Walmart. That's one difference. Their cute and hip and work there part-time while going to college. Walmart employees are rundown, weathered and working full-time with shitty to non-existent health insurance to pay the bills and support their families. Starbucks tries to be pretty inside and smells like coffee and baked goods. Walmart looks like a warehouse and smells like burnt ketchup, hotdogs and disinfectant. They can't be the same! I won't believe it, Scott! Why would he do this to me? He knows how much I need them! The thing is, I try to buy my coffee locally, but I don't drive in the morning and the coffee shop is three blocks the other way! I barely get to work on time as it is! Starbucks is the only answer until I get my nice coffee maker. We're going to have to have a family meeting. I don't want to feel like I'm feeding into the machine. Maybe Mama D. will buy it for me.

Another issue I'm dealing with- Pirates of the Caribbean. I've never seen it. I'm glad I've never seen it, but secretly, I want to. I've never seen Titanic and I decided that I wouldn't. I just won't because it makes me feel like I have choices in life. Just because everyone else is doing something (like seeing a movie) doesn't mean I have to. So, ridiculous as it is, I find pleasure in the fact that I have not seen Titanic. And the same goes with Pirates. I can scoff at those (sorry AC- not like you read this...) who have extolled this as a masterpiece and say to myself, "I do not need the conventions of modern American folk. I do not need Johnny Depp." I'm not completely blaming this on my husband, but he did put it in our netflix queue. And so now, it's actually in the mail on it's way to my doorstep to be delivered TODAY. I still haven't decided whether or not I'm going to watch it. My father was like this. He would take very small issues and principles and create a life code by them. I guess I learned it from him.

Hawkins needs a suit to wear to Molly's wedding. I want him in a seersucker. Scott needs a new tie. A hip tie WITHOUT a tie tack, buddy. Seriously, Scott insists on wearing a tie tack as big as his tie. His defense? "I don't want my tie in my spaghetti..." He actually tacks it to his shirt! I've never seen this phenomenon before, but whoever started it should be fired from whatever it is that they do. Anyway, we're going to be one smokin' hot family come Friday night. My new bangs have inspired me to have a "messy updo" for the wedding. That's what I'm going to tell the hairstylist. Let's just hope I don't walk out of their looking like Beetlejuice or Joyce Carol Oates.

I saw my friend Trauman today for the first time in a long while. He came by my office. It's so strange how life changes. When I first moved here, he was one of the first friends I made and we saw each other often. Now, the same esteem is there, but there's just no friggin' time. Our lives are so different. It's strange, though, because we're both on campus every day- me for school and work and him for school and work. He's getting his PhD in Rhetoric and is this fancy poet/philospher now. I guess that's what love and husbands and babies and dogs and PhD's will do to a friendship.

Speaking of dogs, I miss The Dude. He'll be at the Bluegrass BBQ on Saturday for Molly's wedding. It should be a good time, but I'll probably be comatose by Sunday.

Sam, Bangs and Moonshine

2007-06-25T05:27:00.000-07:00

This is a children's picture book that I think won the Caldecott Award at some point. It's about a little girl who has an overactive imagination. Which is to say- she lies. Her name is Samantha (Sam). Her father calls her lies "moonshine." Bangs is her cat. I would love to have written this book. The illustrations are lovely and the story pretty flawless. I bring this up for ONE reason, and one reason only: I now have BANGS! It was a difficult step, but I felt it was the right one. Scott likes them. I think they look all right. I liked the woman who cut my hair and will go back to her, though, a little more personality would have been nice. I like my hairdressers to be eccentric with an edge. She was pretty normal, but I made another appointment with her anyway. You really can't beat the price. Brig found some Asian lady outside of Atlanta in a place called the Hair Clinic (um, a little shady...) who does a fantastic job on her hair. This isn't that good of a deal, but no one finds bargains like Brigette. It's in her genes. The hair stylist (this is her preferred title) did talk me into getting some fancy lip gloss. My lips are now apricot which is most likely a terrible mistake with my coloring. Oh well. I feel like I make more money than I do when I put it on. This is a GOOD thing.

So, the weekend. It's GONE and I'm pretty depressed about that. I decided that I only want to work 2 days a week at most. Will I always be like this? Will I ever like my job? Will I ever not be lazy? Hopefully, when I have my master's and start actually teaching I will like it. But what if I don't? Ugh. I can't even think about that. If I didn't have to work I would do good things for my family, for the community and for the world. I promise. Someone just give me a chance. Pay me to stay at home and I will show you how great I can be. I'm like this every Monday, but today feels worse. I don't know. It's because I'm tired. Hawkins crazy ass kid that he is woke up at 4am wanting to play and didn't go back to bed til 5:30. It was godawful. On top of that he's teething and has this new 5 year old girl screech that he does constantly. It got to the point this weekend that Scott and I would just laugh hysterically at him because if we didn't laugh, we would cry and we couldn't have that. He's just so loud. Scott and I are pretty quiet and peaceful folks. It's hard to believe we made something so damn loud. I'm glad I already love him. This screeching thing really could have tipped the scales the other way had I still been working on it. Hawkins is also sitting up on his own now which looks so very grown up on him. It's adorable and heartbreaking. I feel like he's starting college or something!

So, in my mind-numbing, brain-vicing math class we had to read this article about different ways of teaching regrouping in subtraction. I won't get into the actual procedures, but the article really illuminates some disturbing trends in American schools. After much careful research, this study showed that 84% of American teachers place more emphasis on procedural learning than conceptual learning. Other countries teach concepts first and then formulas or processes based on the concepts so that children know why they do what they do. In further studying this cultural difference, researchers figured out that many American teachers cannot teach conceptually because they themselves do not grasp the core concepts of the ideas they are teaching.

I remember those light bulb moments in school when a teacher explained something and I saw like a connect the dots diagram how ideas were related and how they grew from one another and became more and more complex. That continuum, that knowledge "group" so to speak was really exciting to perceive. Even now, it is exciting to see. The Da Vinci Code was one of the bestselling books of all time. I can think of many books far better and worth your while, but anyway, that's not the point. As a reading culture, people were fascinated by the slow uncovering of these symbols and codes that built upon each other. People loved this book. Trust me. I know. I worked in a public library and it's all anyone talked about. The mind yearns for these types of analytical and exploratory thought patterns. So, why the heck aren't we teaching are kids to think this way? It's more fun! And it provides a deeper understanding of the material. This metaphor with the book didn't quite work out the way I wanted it to, but still... Learning is much more interesting and easier when one sees a series of patterns present in the knowledge that is gained. This puts some real pressure on me. There are so many things a good teacher has to cover. Ugh. I hope I don't completely screw up a generation of children.

Someone just walked into the office and gave me the following compliment... "Wow. Did you do something different with your hair? Like bangs? I can't pull them off. Not many people can. NO.... they look good on you!..." Yeah right. Were the bangs a mistake? When I told my mom over the phone she said, "Hmmmm... I don't remember ever seeing you with bangs." People aren't really inspiring my confidence here.

Speaking of Mama D... She arrives on Tuesday. It's going to be a long visit, because she's watching the kid while the babysitter goes on vacation. I'll just say, "It should be interesting." and leave it at that. Last time she watched him for a week, she lost 8 lbs. He's heavier now.

Scott and I watched Parenthood this weekend and like a total sap, idiot I had tears in my eyes the whole time. That movie really stands the test of time. I love Diane Wiest. I wish she were my aunt or something.

Every week the office buys a lottery ticket together. Since my allowance has been cut to $12/week, I can no longer participate. I hope I get my coffee maker soon. It will make this budgeting thing so much easier!

So, this weekend, I get to see a whole bunch of people at Molly's wedding. I am particularly looking forward to high school and college friends coming in town. Brig comes in on Thursday and we're kicking off the festivities with a pedicure. I get to leave work early!!! So, really, I just have to get through Wednesday of this week and then it all turns fun. Yay!

Oh Susannah...

2007-06-22T07:37:00.000-07:00

Scott and I have been perusing the children's folk song market for songs and cds for H.P. During my library and story time years, I became familiar with a lot of this "type" of music and much of it is pretty heinous. We want our child to have good taste. We want him to understand what is quality music verses what is shit. So, we're going to be selective as to what he can listen to. We've been playing a lot of Woody Guthrie and Pete Seeger and though Scott cringes at how basic the music is, the sheer storytelling involved in some of the tunes leaves me enrapt. It saddens me that children aren't singing these songs any more. Or are they? Some of them surprised me by their depth and seriousnees. Guthrie's "Little Black Train" is not going to bring you back cuz it's the damn grim reaper, y'all! And you better get your soul straight with the "savior" if you've been in the barroom gamblin'... At first, I wondered at the explicitness of this song for young tykes. And then I thought back to my own childhood and my favorite songs. One was about a little girl singing to heaven because she missed her daddy up there. Tom Dooley "met her on the mountain, took her life... met her on the mountain, stabbed her with [his] knife..." and then hung for the so-called murder. And then, of course, there's the fairy tales, which are pretty damn grim if you ask me. So, violence and death are a fun part of childhood and provide lots of oppurtunity to use the imagination whether song or literature or film be the vehicle. I do, of course, beleive in limitations, but folk songs are an important link to our past that I want to keep alive for my children. Consider the song, John Henry. This song is important for several reasons one of which is John Henry's color. He's black. There are different versions of this song, but the one I can recall most clearly and the one I found by Woody Guthrie begins as John Henry is a baby sitting on his mother's knee. Even then, when he picks up a hammer, he looks at it and says, "This hammer be the death of me..." Now, my recollections are not too clear, but I only went away from the song with half the story- The work John Henry had to endure (it may as well have been slavery) was the death of him. This isn't complete, though. Only now, in re-listening to the song as an adult do I get it. It's the age of the machine and he's forced to compete with it. He was a worker by nature, and it isn't until his work is taken away from him that he is defeated. He is faster than the machine, but it kills him in the end. It's up to Scott and I as parents to inform Hawkins, to make sure he knows these stories of lore. The full stories. I'm not even sure that I knew John Henry was black. It would have been nice, though, as a child to have learned of an African American hero. I pictured all the "big men" (Paul Bunyon, Pecos Bill, Iron John, John Henry, ect...) of lore as white. I'll have to talk with Scott and see what folk heroes he remembers growing up. Perhaps his time in Guam and Hawaii as a child gave him a more diverse set of heroes.

Anyway, I know I went off on that but I've just been thinking. This parenthood thing is so new. We have so much to think about. My coworker was telling me about Radio Disney being at the track for Family Day and I was thinking, "Jesus, I don't want my kid listening to that crap." It's just this grab bag thing and Scott and I have to continually keep on our toes and decide what is important to us as parents and what is not. Music, art and literature are important. So are values... I know. But everything is so tied together. I don't know where art (which at it's best unveils truth) ends and goodness begins. It's all kind of connected for me. This may be blasphemous, but if so, it just is... I see Shakespeare and Dickens and Austen and good writing as sacred. Yes- like the BIBLE. Writers inspired by Something that I think must be God at work. As a person, I'm still not sure where the moralities in art lie. Is one called to be a great artist or a great person first? Flannery O'Connery said that if one is faithful to their art then they will inevitably be faithful to God. In my writing class, I was really called to look deeper into this question when I wrote a short story called "Fat Girls (or Salutatorians)." It really offended an overweight girl in my class, but she totally missed the point. I felt guilty, though, that I had hurt her. I made her feel bad and so really battled with whether writing that story was wrong or not. It was brutal at times, but it was good. Maybe one of the best things I've written. I talked this through with my writing prof who said obviously it wasn't wrong, but she was a little less sentimental than I was. Obviously, she had never been overweight. Molly and I have discussed it time and again, but of course, we'd much rather someone called us mean or a bitch than fat. I wasn't calling this girl fat, but I described the two fat girls in the story as "two tired bears, lethargic and looming" and things like that. What I thought was much more insulting in the story was their stupidity. Anyway, I suppose people who have good taste in things can be bad people. To me, however, it all kind of floats around in the same blob of goodness whether you are talking literature, life, music, or religion, etc.. It's all either good or bad. If it's bad, then it has no substance- like a person, or a donut, or a Danielle Steele novel. If it's good, then it nourishes- like a grapefruit, or a teacher, or an Emily Dickinson poem. Okay, I've talked so much that I don't know what I'm saying anymore. I'll stop and just say that I like good things and that I hope I have good taste whether it is in people or books or music. I hope Hawkins has good taste, too. He already likes bananas, his soft blankie, sparkly things, and sunshine. He's on the right track.

So, this morning I'm walking to work and college student shit that I mentioned a couple days ago drives up to me. He says he's going to campus and offers me a ride. I'm running late and to be honest, I want to give him a chance to redeem himself for the two times he's blocked my car in, and so I accept. Was this dangerous? I'm not sure. Once I got in his car, I realized that I probably shouldn't have, but I'll have to remember that for next time. Anyway, he may be a nice person, but he comes across as a Uriah Heep type figure and I didn't like it one bit- a little too deferential, a little too schmoozy, a little polite, and a little too down on himself. Plus, what in god's name is a college student doing up at 8am. He said he was going to do his laundry at a place just off campus, but why would you be doing laundry so early? I don't know. Maybe I'm determined to dislike him, but I went away with an icky feeling. I won't be accepting anymore rides from somewhat strangers no matter how late I am. I wish I trusted people more, but now that I have Hawkins and Scott, I'm just waiting for someone to screw with me. Last weekend, while running errands I decided that I'm going to get some mace. I'm not going down without a fight. For all my life, I've thought that I was the type of person to sympathize with the murderer, the theif, the criminal, the underdog. When I had Hawkins, something just switched. I remember doing the dishes the other day and imagining Hawkins being kidnapped and thinking, "Anyone but him. Any baby but mine. I don't care who, but not Hawkins." I have a child and all of a sudden, I'm a coldhearted savage ready to blow a hole through anyone that tries to mess with my kid. It's complete insanity.

This weekend we've got nothin'. I'm ecstatic seeing as how this is our last free weekend for a month and a half. So much is happening in late June through July that it's almost as if the time doesn't exist. There certainly won't be any damn free time. That's for sure. So, I'm a vegetable this weekend. I am getting my hair cut tomorrow. Fancy place. New Talent. This means I get to go to an expensive place and pretend like I'm getting a really nice haircut. In reality, though, the person who's cutting my hair isn't very good with the scissors yet. Next weekend at Molly's wedding I want to look good. Not as good as the bride, but good. Maybe it will happen.

Happy weekend! Relax and enjoy the sunshine (if you can stand being outside in the 90 degree heat)...

The tires on the bike are flat. I'm going to pump them up this weekend and see what gives. Let's hope I don't kill myself.

Bicycle Dreams

2007-06-21T13:33:00.000-07:00

After much thought and deliberation I think I've decided to learn how to ride a bike. I'm serious. I know old adages often ring true, but the one about never forgetting how to ride a bike is B.S. I forgot. Imagine my surprise at sixteen when (after not riding a bike for 6 years) I rented a bicycle to ride in a 4th of July parade in San Fransisco. It was a COMPLETE fiasco. I had no balance. I had no idea where to even start. I had lost the gift. I spent the parade walking alongside my bicycle while my friend and her family rode theirs ahead of me. It was humiliating! And so now, at 30, I'm going to try and teach an old dog a somewhat new trick. We have a bike in our basement and it's being completely wasted. Now, it is Scott's exgirlfriend's bike and she was obsessed with Walmart. So, I'm sure it isn't the nicest one you'll find, but it's rideable. I'm really just trying to find any way to get some more minutes into my day. My to and fro work time could be cut in half. It's really the morning I'm concerned with. Ten more minutes would be a godsend. The idea of riding on the street terrifies me, but I'm going to try and perservere. Lesson number one starts tonight. I'm going to ride the bike up and down the sidewalk on my street. I'll keep you posted.

2007-06-21T07:34:00.000-07:00

Hawkins and his rubber duck go head to head in a staring contest. This duck used to light up in all different colors, but the lights have all gone out. We've got to invest in some more bathtub toys now that he's getting more aware. I want to get some squirty things.

Last night we had a massive salad for dinner. It was great. There is really nothing like arugula. Why aren't I losing weight? I'm eating so well. Oh wait. It must be the cookies, ice cream and candy I'm shoving into my mouth along with the veggies. Hmmmm. I think I have a sugar addiction.

I'm dying to skip class today, but I don't want to start any bad habits.

Sunshine and Moonlight

2007-06-20T07:23:00.000-07:00

Today has begun a bit better than yesterday, I'll start with that.

Okay- I'm going to try and cover everything today.

Let me start with Hawkins. He's so much fun. And he has such a distinct personality all to his own. It's fascinating to see him become more and more individualized. Like I said yesterday, he loves trees so much. Nothing else gets such an awed reaction out of him. Maybe he'll be an arborist. We're going to take him hiking soon at Bernheim Arborarium. That should be a good time. I'm looking for a used backpack carrier for him that will be a little more suitable than his Baby Bjorn. Anyway, he loves being outside. If he's crying and you open the front door, he'll stop. On our morning walks together, he is so attentive and observant to the world outside. I know that all babies are sponges, but come on... We're talking about Hawkins here. He's a genius! And if you take a branch in your hand and shake it above him he laughs. He just keeps laughing more and more. (though never for pictures, of course) He has an sea themed instrument set with this little clam tambourine. Yesterday I started beating it softly on his stomach and he got the biggest kick out of it. Every time I hit his stomach he'd start laughing. It's so much fun watching him become who he's gonna be.

Despite how great the kid is, though, breaks are FABULOUS! On Sunday, I got to actually enjoy mass for the first time in a while b/c I went alone. It's so nervewracking sitting and standing in church all the while holding a little timebomb waiting to explode with noise at any moment. How is anyone supposed to concentrate on Jesus? Jeeeeeezzzzuuuuus. Anyway, I think I may put a small complaint in the collection basket next week along with my money. Seriously, the music sucks ass and I can't change churches again. I just want to suggest songs that people can actually sing. On Sunday, the cantor or whatever he was, sang so formally it was ridiculous. He pronounced every vowel like it was a short 'o.' And then he started coughing, so someone took his place and she sang so high that no one could keep up with her. I was expecting the stained glass windows to burst at any moment. NONE of the music was singable, though. It was all terrible. Fr. Roy barely redeemed it all with his homily on what else? Forgiveness. He quoted Bishop Desmond Tutu as saying to his people, "Without forgiveness, we are doomed." I like that. Without forgiveness I would certainly be doomed cuz I've sure pulled some doozies over the years, huh mom? But seriously, to say that in South Africa to a bunch of black people that whities had abused and oppressed for years???? That takes some serious gall. I wonder if anyone threw tomatoes at him during that speech. So, decent homily, but the rest was a little annoying.

After mass, I came home and we got ready for our picnic. It was so damn hot outside (95 degrees, the hottest of the summer so far- of course) that we only stayed about an hour at the park. Poor little Hawkins was sweatin' up a storm.

So, anyway, all in all it was a great weekend. This week, on the other hand, hasn't been so hot. I've spent all week running late and losing things. I hate days like that. But the past few nights, as I've lain in bed each night, (despite the shitty days) I've had this wonderful sense of security. I'm not sure that's the right word, maybe satisfaction is closer to it. My life just feels right. It feels great. I've finally started on a career path and I won't be there for a year and a half, but I will get there. And I have this great kid- Good friends- A job with people I like- Lots of laughter in my life. But most of all, I just feel really lucky to have Scott. I know I deserve him, it ain't that... He just makes life so much more fun. It's pretty incredible. It feels like sunshine and moonlight shining on me at the same time or something really gay sounding like that.

I'm picking up a new box from the farm tonight. This week, we've got SQUASH! I don't know what I'm going to do with it! I'm excited. Along with Arugula, mustard greens, broccoli, swiss chard, cabbage and more friggin' beets. It's babyfood, y'all. I like the borscht, but I've still got some left I have to eat and it's definitely an acquired taste. I certainly couldn't eat it every day (which I've done now for four days straight). Only a gallon left! I'll be eating it for breakfast tomorrow to try and get rid of the stuff. Scott has sworn it off. Apparently, he doesn't eat flourescent foods. Whatever, Scott.

Goin' home. Peace.

Rainy Days and Mondays

2007-06-19T13:40:00.000-07:00

Dear God, is today over with? Ugh. It's been a crummy day, man. It all started with little shit college student across the street from me who proceeded to block me in to my parking space. It must have taken me 67 reverses and 74 turns to finally extricate my car from it's entrapment. I almost had the kid towed and I might next time. Last week he blocked me in my driveway. I'll be waiting for his next screw up and when it happens I'm going to POUNCE! So, all day I've been in a verbal war with incompetent health insurance reps who can't tell me 100% whether a procedure is covered or not. And then I take my Math test which I may have failed or may have aced. Who the hell knows at this point? And then I get into another verbal skirmish over the phone trying to plan a freaking canoeing trip for my husband and I and the Rough River recreation people are freakin' retards! Ugh. I've wasted so many hours today on bullshit. It's so stupid.

So, anyway, I'll get down to it...

The weekend- by Saturday morning at 11am, I had cooked Scott a big breakfast to kickoff the Father's Day weekend, made him a batch of chocolate chip cookies, a batch of peanut butter cookies and made the borscht. And taken care of the kid all during this time. I felt like a true domestic goddess. Needless to say, I think I gained a couple pounds cuz I got weighed at the doctor's office today and it wasn't pretty, folks. That did not make my already faltering day any better. So, the rest of the day we just hang around the house and take naps and clean and read and do homey type things. Then, we get ready for the church picnic. We walked b/c it was only a mile or two and the road is shaded and the housed pretty. Plus, I knew if we were going to really get into the spirit of things, we might need to down a couple of quick beers. Now, I thought since our church is in Germantown that they would have good beer there. They do in Germany. I was mistaken here. They had Coors light, Bud Light, Corona, and Smirnoff Ice (???). Not cool. So, Scott and I grab a couple beers and scope out the scene using Hawkins as our co-wingman. He was our in. If people were not into us, we knew they couldn't resist his cuteness. I'm trying to figure out the games people are playing without looking like a total dumbass. I mean, I've never been to a parish picnic before, okay. I haven't participated in a cakewalk since I was 7. I had some things to learn. The blackjack table was a little too high stakes for me ($.50) and so I moseyed over to the $.10 horse race bets. I proceeded to lose a couple dollars doing that and then needed to go and get a peptalk from Scott. We went back and forth playing different games that you would ONLY find at a parish picnic and then broke for a hotdog and beer run. We were all sweating bullets by this time and so kindof wrapped things up. Hawkins was such a delight on the walk home. He's very into trees. He has been since he could notice them. Nothing lights up his face like being rolled under one in his stroller. He loves when his "sky" turns to leaves and that's all he can see above him is the tree. I think we may have another John Audubon on our hands here. He loves birds, too. Alright, more on this tomorrow. I've got to go home. Scott's picking me up since it's raining out.

Lots of Pics... and don't forget the Borscht!

2007-06-18T12:31:00.000-07:00

Here, Hawkins and I get ready to depart to the church picnic. Hawkins is not sure how he feels about walking 2 miles in the heat to go sit in the hot sun, smell asphalt and hotdogs, while watching his parents lose $20 one dime at a time.

Scott sports the World's Greatest Dad tshirt (and my prescription sunglasses?) his mom sent him for Father's Day. Is he a hot dad, or what?

Scott and Hawkins having some quality time lying around on the couch while I am slaving away cooking and cleaning for the two of them... (just kidding!)

Scott takes a drink of Sam Adams out of his new "World Class Dad" mug.

Hawkins disapproves of having his picture taken in the bathtub.

Hawkins bears the heat with his usual cheerful and happy disposition.

Scott poses with his "Best Dad 2007" trophy. He was very humble in accepting the award and made sure to thank God and all the other nominees for their wonderful examples.

Hawkins takes a nap and looks his sweet, adorable self.

A family photo taken on our Father's Day picnic. Scott is so great with the camera! He isn't afraid to take chances for his art and it really pays off here.

Scott and Hawkins at the park looking very cool and very tall.

Hawkins fits right in at the parish picnic in his muscle tee. Seriously, there were some REDdogs there.

Scott's Father's Day loot.

The card Hawkins made for Scott. Inside, there were 10 things Hawkins loved about Scott, including "You make me happy when I am sad and crying," "You love changing my dirty diapers" and "You fart a lot--- just like me!"

Man, it took forever to download those photos. For right now, I'll just say- weekend was a blast. Just me, Scott and Hawkins chillin' out together and doin' our thing. No obligations. It was FABULOUS.

I made the borscht and it ain't half bad. It's a good thing I like it b/c I've got about a gallon of it. It's a little strange eating a hot pink stew, but UnKle Rob was right on with his suggestions. More tomorrow about the weekend.

Donuts and Dads

2007-06-15T13:37:00.001-07:00

So, anyway, about the quiet. I wanted to expand a little bit on the squirrels on campus. UofL has one of the only families of albino squirrels in existence. I just saw my first one a couple months ago and now that I know where they can be found, I'm seeing them more regularly. I wonder if the "normal" brown squirrels treat them any differently? Are they seen as outcasts in the squirrel community? Walking to the student center for lunch a couple weeks ago, I saw a squirrel rolling a donut down the sidewalk. It was so absolutely human, I stopped dead in my tracks. It looked like I guy rolling a large innertube. Whatever happened to those large black innertubes that we used to take to the lake? Why doesn't anyone have them anymore? Were they found to cause some type of disease? The squirrels on campus, though, can be aggressive. They're the most confident ones I've seen. In fact, I've seen many people on their way to class jumping out of the squirrels way on the sidewalk. Scott says that nobody bothers to stand up to the little rodents and so they continue to think they rule the roost. This is fine with me. It's a nice little example of animals reclaiming territory that was taken from them. Perhaps the land wasn't exactly taken from them, but it was vastly changed while they stood by and watched.
Whatever- good for the squirrels, I say.

So, Sunday is Scott's first official Father's Day. He doesn't know this, but I'm taking him on a picnic (Arab style). Anyway, I found this new Arab deli/restaurant that I'm going to order out from and then we'll take our picnic basket to the park and eat in the hot sun pretending we're somewhere near the beach. I've got some pretty good gifts, too- a beer mug that says- "World Class Dad," a book, a movie, a grilling cookbook and a little trophy that says "#1 dad." Hawkins is "making" him a card that points out all the ways he's a fantastic father and a great hero. And I think I'll plant something pretty in our front yard for my own dad.

Happy Weekend everyone!

All About the Senses

2007-06-14T13:43:00.000-07:00

I'm happy to say that the dead dog odor pervading my neighborhood the past few days has miraculously disappeared. It makes it a lot easier to walk to work. I'll tell you that. I don't know what it is. We live in an area near "Butchertown" where I guess they used to have a slaughterhouse. It hasn't been active for years, though. So, why in God's name are we STILL smelling dead animal? Ugh. It really makes you want to rethink eating meat. Actually, I think Scott and I might try a little experiment with cutting out meat and see where it leaves us. We'll eat meat when we get the urge and we'll eat it at restaurants, but I want to see how much money it saves us. I'm just really into eating locally right now and it's so expensive to do with meat. More on that later, I suppose.

The past few days I haven't been listening to music on my way to work. I remember when I first got my ipod, I listened to it constantly. It provided this fabulous soundtrack to my world. And I still love it. The quiet is nice, though. I've had some really good ideas on my walks to work. Some I can't remember later, and some I decide against, but I feel more clearheaded. I'm giving my brain a chance to wake up in the morning and giving it a chance to wind down after work in the evening. Stephen King walks an hour and a half to two hours a day. He said it's where he sorts things out with his characters and plots. It's his main source of inspiration. Now, I can't say that I've had any amazing ideas writing wise, but i've had some good ones life wise. It just feels good. And if I'm boring myself, there's always the world to look at. On campus, there are tons of squirrels and watching their unconscious dealings with the world is fascinating. They're SO focused and sppppppppeeeeeeee there on to something else that they seem just as intent on. People are another good thing to watch. When you've got your headphones on, that's just one more barrier....

Alright. I'll finish this post tomorrow. I'm off work now and it's time for me to mosey out of here.

Hodge Podge

2007-06-13T05:45:00.000-07:00

Here, Hawkins looks ready to join Tony Soprano's gang of thugs.

And this is the first GOOD picture Scott and I have taken together. (Though, I am not in love with my hair...) It was taken at the wedding we went to on Saturday. Jeannette had to take about five to get one good one. She hasn't quite learned the "from the chest up" rule. I had to crop it myself. She wouldn't know the rule, though, because she is tall and has never lost her "power-walking" physique. There are very defined rules for this sport. Ask her about them sometime...

So, it's been a few days. I was sick Sunday and Monday. Seriously so. I threw up for two days straight. I don't know what it was, but I do know that there were a few moments during that time where I actually welcomed the end. I think Hawkins may have passed something on to me from where else? The babysitter's! This may also have been mixed with what I drank on Saturday night. Scott gave me free reign that evening and let's just say, I took it. I really wanted to be able to go out with Molly, but she was tired and so Steve, Jenn, Brian and I hit the Monkey Wrench. Steve floated me seeing as how my purse was so tiny, I couldn't even fit my wallet inside. Now, compared with the old days (pre-Hawkins), I really didn't drink much. But I just can't handle myself like I could before (although, there are those that would say I really couldn't handle myself then either...). Regardless, I had too much to drink and was not feeling too hot the next morning. Then around 10am, I just started throwing up, and didn't stop until Monday evening. Scott was a Saint as usual, but I still had to take care of Hawkins some between puking. It was hard. I felt terrible because he seemed to notice that I wasn't enjoying him. He didn't eat much on Friday, Saturday or Sunday, and though seemed to be in a good mood, he was also spitting up a lot. Projectile. It was lovely. Monday, he started eating like his usual piggy self again, however. And so now, we're all in the clear and feeling good.

I haven't been sleeping well lately. For once, it's not because of the kid. I'll wake up around 4am and then just start thinking. And I'll think until the alarm goes off at 6am. Things are going pretty well for Scott and I. We try to be the best people we can be, and though, we sometimes fail, we try to forgive easily. I truly think we have a wonderful future ahead of us. But every once in awhile, I remember that our agendas aren't the only ones in the universe. There exist forces outside of US beyond our control. There are even people in the world that don't like us. We are both pretty likeable, but sometimes people want to think the worst of others. And we're going to have to deal with these people for the rest of our lives. We're going to have to deal with children who don't like Hawkins when he gets older. And we'll have to teach him how to deal with them. And right now, I can honestly say that I don't know how to deal with these people. How do I make sure he's strong? How do I ensure that he isn't too affected by those that may want to hurt him or make him feel insignificant? I spent so long making myself feel insignificant, and it's just been in the last few years that I got some confidence. So, when others started making me feel insignificant, I wasn't sure how to react. I'm still not. You can't just get mad. It only hurts you. So, the best I can come up with RIGHT NOW is a little somethin' per the Unc C... try and think the best of others whether they think the best of you or not. Try to see beneath the exterior of someone trying to hurt you and look for their scars, for their hurt, and then forgive them. Maybe I'll have something a bit better and more rehearsed when Hawkins needs Scott and I's guidance on this. That's all I've got at this point, though, and if you can't follow a priest's advice on this subject... when can you?

Sorry to get so serious so early in the morning, but it's been brewing and I had to talk it out with myself and I thought the blog was a good way to do it. Maybe I'll get some freakin' sleep now.

I've also just recently learned that a good number of relatives and friends will be convening for Hawkins' baptism. Although, I'm excited about this, it does create some stress. The real issue? I just want everyone to like everyone. And you can never quite tell how people will react to each other. I guess we'll see. So, I think we're going to kick the baptism festivities off on Saturday with some good old fashioned gambling at Churchill Downs. There's nothing like losing money to bring people together, right? And I'm still trying to come up with a game plan for that evening. It should be a good group, however.

Well, there's a professor I work with that is determined to make me like beets. And so I'm going to try one final recipe: Borscht. The good thing about this dish is that beets is only one of many ingredients. It's Russian; and although, Russians aren't exactly known for their tasty cuisine, I'm going to give it a try. We'll see.

In today's box from the farm, we've got lots more greens, some carrots (which will be turned into baby food), some broccoli, snow peas, garlic, and MORE basil among other things (like more GD beets!). I'd really like to know when the growing season for beets ends. I'm sick of the pressure. I'm going to give my cabbage soup another try. On Saturday, I made my version of Italian wedding soup. Unfortunately, I put too many pasta stars in it and within seconds my beautiful soup, had turned to Italian wedding mush. And our biggest pot was already overflowing so I couldn't add water. Saint Scott hates waste and so he's been trying to eat it up, but it ain't pretty. I think I'm going to bring some for lunch tomorrow to pitch in on getting rid of it. So, this weekend, on top of the parish picnic, I'm going to make some more soup. And make the borscht. Hmmm...

I'm excited about the parish picnic. It'll be a chance for Scott and I to meet some people. I just hope we aren't the youngest people there. If anyone, and I mean ANYONE, wants to accompany us, just say the word!

I didn't drink coffee for three days b/c of the illness and so now I'm craving it like crazy. I may need to buy another coffee. Scott has challenged me to spend only $12/week. I'm serious, y'all. That's my spending money. In return, within a month or two, I get to buy a fancy coffee maker, espresso machine. No one except me quite understands how much this could save us. Let's just say, we may be able to afford to send Hawkins to college after all. I lobbied for getting the coffee maker before I actually had to sacrifice for it, but Scott insists that it will mean more if I do without. I don't like this kind of thinking one bit, but he's the boss (sometimes)...

That's all I've got for today.

Peace.

Panama Jack

2007-06-09T05:03:00.000-07:00

Okay, our friend Adam went to Panama and got Scott and Hawkins some kickass shirts. As you can see above...

I took the blurry photos, of course, and Scott took the two sharp ones. Oh well. You get the picture. Are they smoothe, or what?

Trailer Trash Darlin'

2007-06-08T07:13:00.000-07:00

Here's Hawkins. Poor guy. He drools so much that we constantly have a bib on him. You can never see his cute outfits in pictures. This morning, I put him in a brand new pair of shorts that his Grammy sent him and his gut was bustin' out. I took him to the babysitters with the button undone on his shorts. He's only five months old and he's already taking after my dad! We're really quite a family.

You asked for it, you got it. Okay. Here's trailer trash mom. Make sure you note a)nursing bra hanging out of shirt b)side ponytail? I don't know what happened here with my hair. c) fake heart tattoo on my bicep left over from bachelorette part. That damn thing took a week to come off!

Anyway, let's get down to business... The beets. I'm happy to say that they are still vile, vile vegetables and should absolutely not be in existence. I made two beet dishes last night and both were disgusting. I've figured out that the thing about beet recipes is that they make the accompanying ingredients so strong to cover up the nasty taste of the BEETS! Ugh. I seriously gag every time I think about what I made. So, that's that. I'll just turn the rest of the beets we get into babyfood. That may be child abuse, but he won't even remember it years from now. The radish recipe I got was good, however. There's a cookbook called Simply in Season that has a lot of really great recipes and celebrates eating seasonally. Okay. I'll shut up about the food.

This weekend we've got Christina and Will's wedding. It's at the place I originally wanted to have our reception, but it was way too expensive for us. It'll be neat. It's on the rooftop of a building downtown that overlooks the city and the river. Scott and I have decided that we're going to get married in the church (or renew our vows) the weekend after Derby next year. I found a place downtown that I like, but if we can't get that, we're going to just go and have a shindig at the restaurant on the river here, Captain's Quarters. It feels good to have something in the works and I'll have a small break from school that month (May). Maybe Scott and I can even get a mini honeymoon afterward.

I get my math test back today. I'm going to be pissed if I didn't do well.

Hawkins is great. He's really into bouncing on knees right now, playing in his activity gym and trying new foods. He tried bananas last night for the first time. It was a hit.

Random #7- I took clogging for 15 years. I was a national champion clogger. Scott has yet to see me do the Tammy's Twirl, but I can still handle the moves. I may have lost some of my precision, but I've still got the heart of a clogger, dammit. My favorite clogging dances were to Rocky Top (my solo performance that garnered me the national champion title), and Devil Went Down to Georgia (which won our dance troupe the national title). Our troupe was called The Dixie Darlin's. I remember before I was old enough to join, I envied and worshipped all the girls in the Darlin's. I was in the junior group, The Southern Travellers, and it just wasn't the same prestige as being a Dixie Darlin'. I finally made it, though, and when I finally did, the sweet taste of success did not taint my humble personality. I was still good ole Amber. I was just a little more Dixie and a little more Darlin'.

Life is Good and Boiled Peanuts

2007-06-06T13:36:00.000-07:00

I'm going to post some new pictures soon. I just need to find some good ones. There's one of Hawkins and I, but I look like trailer trash mom. Needless to say I've banned it from the public. It sucks because even if Hawkins looks cute in a picture, if I look like shit you know I'm not going to show it to anyone. Scott is continuing to add to his "hideous candid pictures of Amber" collection. So, all is well with the world. I think I may have accidently changed a setting on the camera that makes all our pictures blurry. Now I don't know how to fix it.

Anyway, life is pretty good. The basil is finally in on the farm and so we'll be racking it in pretty soon. I'm going to plant my own this weekend, but it's still nice to know we'll be getting some if mine doesn't grow well. So, pesto and tomato and mozzarella and basil salad will be on our plates soon. Scott and I are really starting to explore all the things we can do with the fresh dill we've been getting. It's so damn good! Some other highlights of this week's box of goodies were snow peas, cabbage and some green that I still haven't figured out. It tastes like a form of kale, but it looks nothing like the kale I've seen. Oh well. Tonight I'm making beets in orange sauce and harvard beets to get rid of all the beets we've gotten in the last few weeks. Seriously, I've enjoyed a lifelong hatred of beets. It's really taken some growth and maturity for me to even try them. But I'm determined to eat all the food we're getting from the csa. Yesterday, we only had one head of cabbage left out of everything we got. I was impressed. I'm going to make some cabbage soup this weekend. Molly's family and I once went on a cabbage soup diet. We had to eat nothing but cabbage soup for a week. Then the second week, we were allowed to eat tomatoes and cabbage soup one day, a hamburger patty and cabbage soup the next day. The last day of the diet, you're allowed to eat a lean steak and cabbage soup. Nothing's ever tasted so good in my whole life. Molly later admitted to me that she had cheated and eaten Burger King one day. I felt betrayed. This cabbage soup I'm making is going to be beefed up with italian sausage, I think. We'll see. Okay, I'm sure everyone is tired of this rant on the farm, but seriously--- It kicks ass. I urge everyone to get involved in a CSA. It's fresh from the earth and cheap and you're helping out the local community. Yay!

Random #4- Scott looks Mexican when he doesn't shave. It's okay. We've learned to embrace it, but it's true. Unfortunately, he can shave about once a week due to his sensitive skin. This means that he looks white as all get out for about half the week and mexican the rest of the week. What can I say? We celebrate all different cultures in our home.

Random #5- Before I started regular school, I used to go to every Braves home game with my dad. He sold boiled peanuts out in front of the stadium when I was little. I'm not sure how he got into, but he loved it. In fact, days before he died, I asked him what his favorite "career" had been (for he had many) and he said, "Boiled peanuts." He made them from scratch in a big pot on the landing outside our garage. We used to go to the farmer's market every weekend and fill up on things he sold out there. And peanuts. He would buy 50 and 100 lb. bags of them. On the way home, I would sit in the back of his big Chevy work van on top of those big bags that weighed more than I did. (Wow- to be 100 lbs. again.) They were warm from being out in the sun and I can almost feel the heat when I think back to those times. Anyway, we used to sell Braves paraphenalia and peanuts. The whole family had shirts. My dad's said, "Pat, the Peanut Man," my mom's said, "Mrs. Peanut," and mine said, "Little Miss Peanut." It was our code, our tribe, our seal- the Peanut Family. I wish I had clearer memories of those days, but I was so young. I only remember things in snippets. After everyone was in the stadium, we would pack up our van and hit the game usually around the second inning. Then around the seventh inning, we'd go back out and set up the tables again for the fans leaving the game. On our way home one summer afternoon, I told my dad that I wished Dale Murphy was my dad. I think he had hit a homerun that day. I still feel guilty about it, but my dad merely replied, "Yeah Right."

Random #6- I have two cats, Dinky and Sneakers. I've had them since I was seventeen. They've seen me through a divorce (my parent's), college, deaths of Terry and my dad, my marriage, and a birth. They're getting old now and Dinky is a little fragile. I'm nervous she won't make it for much longer. She's the Siamese. We'll see. When they go, it will be the end of an era. And totally break my heart.

I'll save the last random for tomorrow to really draw this thing out. I'm going to take a math test now that I might not get an A on. I'm nervous.

Peace.

Three of SEVEN

2007-06-05T13:26:00.001-07:00

Okay. Question. When does life slow down? Man, I feel stretched. It seems interesting, though, that the more I do, the more I am able to do. I just hope Scott and I aren't screwing up our kid. I mean, our marriage is important. We've got to do things for us as a couple separate from Hawkins. It's hard, though. We seem to have so little time with him. We're just working to find a balance that's good for all of us. And then we also each need to be able to follow our own dreams as individuals. We must do that in order to be our best selves. How do you do it all? A part of me wishes that I could stay at home forever just with Scott and Hawkins and never see anyone else or do anything but take care of them. And then another part of me wants to teach and write and be a mother and wife all at the same time. The main thing is-Hawkins deserves our best. I hope we're not too tired to give it to him.

Random #3- I wish I could sing so bad. I envy those women in church who's voices ring loud and strong over the rest of the congregation. I don't want to be a famous singer or anything. I am tone deaf and have a cracked and squeaky voice. I just want to be able to sing along with an organ at church. And of course, I'd like to sing lullabies to Hawkins without him breaking out into frightened whimpers. One year at the Easter vigil mass a man came up to Molly and said, "I enjoyed listening to you sing so much during the mass." I was so jealous.

I've got to go continue on with the balancing act. I'll have to finish these freaking randoms tomorrow.

The SEVEN

2007-06-04T13:48:00.000-07:00

Katie (of St. Pius and Cup of Joe whose dad is the former voice of the Chicago White Sox) posted seven random things about herself and asked her captive readers to post seven random things about themselves as well. And listen, when Katie asks you to do something, you better do it cuz she can get CRAZAY! I might have to break these down into a couple posts, but here is the beginning of my list:

Random #1- The following occured between the ages of 19 and 21- Whenever I prayed, I would hear a voice in response that repeated over and over again, "Become a nun... Become a nun..." I thought it was the voice of God. I felt guilty for not obeying the voice, but I also really wanted a family (which I have now). So, I never followed through on the voice's wish for me. I'm a bit of a purist and so I think I always thought in order to be a good person or a good Christian, you had to go all the way with it. And you do, but my interpretation was, in order to be good, I have to become a nun. This is wrong. I can be good and devote my life to God and others in my own way. I no longer feel like I need to be a nun to be a great person. Big hats do look good on me, however.

Random #2- Speaking of nuns... My second grade teacher and I HATED each other. We weren't afraid to admit it to each other either. Sr. Rebecca hated me so much that the principal had to get involved. She mandated that Sr. Rebecca and I had to have dinner together once a week to learn to like each other. So, I used to go to the convent on our school grounds once a week so that this nun and I could get to know one another. I remember us just sitting at the kitchen table glaring across at each other in silence. It was pretty intense. Eventually, she told my parents I was retarded and needed to go to a special school where I could get constant one on one attention. Up yours, Sister Rebecca!

I'll finish up tomorrow. Target calls.

2007-06-01T13:54:00.000-07:00

Beat

2007-06-01T13:39:00.000-07:00

Man, this week has kicked my ass with school and work and the baby and St. Louis. I haven't even had time to write about the Bachelorette Party. And every time I load the pictures, something happens. I'll be short...

Bachelorette Party- Hilarious. The most fun I've had in a long time. Jenn did a great job planning it. Molly loves to watch people make an ass out of themselves and the evening provided many an opportunity for that to happen. I don't know if anyone got any pictures of the "Bachelorette Obstacle Course." Thank God there were no sprained ankles during the Dizzy Izzy station. Senior year on Field Day, a fellow senior, Cindy Fernandez, ended up spraining her ankle on the football field. The ambulance drove right up to her. I'm sure it was humiliating. Anyway, no injuries. So, that was good. The night ended with a game called Dressing the Bride or something like that. And I got to be the bride for my team. Jeannette does not do make up well, but other than that, I thought I looked pretty hot. I'll try to download a picture. Stunning, really.

St. Louis- Came back a day early because Hawkins had a slight meltdown. He just needed to be at home. He hadn't slept for two nights and basically cried the whole time. The minute we got him in the car to head home, though, he fell asleep and slept the whole way. He's been fine ever since.

School- The Math class I'm taking this session is pretty lame. And it's squished into a month so it's pretty intense. I thought Teaching Elem. School Math would be pretty easy. You know, "How many pencils does Linda have if she started out with five and JOe took 3?" It's all theory, though, and the teacher is a total dud. I wish I could expostulate on that, but I really don't have time right now. I'm sure she's very nice, but teaching just ain't her thang. And her wardrobe and hair need a serious makeover. It's distracting.

Work- Training in this new position is pretty hardcore. Usually, I've got loads of time at work, but my duties have pretty much tripled. I'm exhausted with this and everything else, too.

The good news is that this weekend, all we've got going is church and a cookout. The church picnic is next week. The meeting with the priest went well. The pastor is pretty liberal and said he welcomed my inviduality when it came to my faith. I signed up to be a lector.

I'm leavin' work. Will try to be funnier and more interesting in the next post. I promise.

Breif

2007-05-30T13:19:00.000-07:00

Okay, I don't have much time, but wanted to post something. Here are a few recent pictures of the KID, plus a few from the bachelorette slumber party Friday night. It was a blast. I'll write more tomorrow.

Photos won't upload. Crap. Whatever. I'll try again tomorrow.

8 Hours

2007-05-24T09:49:00.000-07:00

Hawkins has been waking up every hour or so during the night for the past two weeks. I don't know what's wrong with the kid. It's frustrating. So, last night, since Grammy was in town, she paid for Scott and I to go to a hotel for a full night of sleep without the baby. It was awkward at first. The stigma of a couple just getting a hotel room for a night seemed a little dodgy. It did not take much salesmanship on Grammy's part, however, to sell the idea let me tell you. So, last night, Scott and I went to an awesome dinner at the Mayan Cafe and even splurged and got a bottle of wine. Neither of us have had a decent night's sleep since we can remember. So, after a glass and a half of wine, I was pretty much gone. The Quality Inn ain't exactly the Hilton, but we made good with it. Embarrassingly enough, the hotel room had a two person jacuzzi which did not make me feel less sketchy for getting a hotel room for the evening when my house was 1 and a 1/2 away. Unfortunately, the room above us had a leaky tub and so water was dripping into our bathroom and that quelled the romance of the jacuzzi. Plumbing problems can do that.

I remember a guy I went to high school and college with telling Molly and I about a little plumbing problem he had. He flushed his toilet and looked over and FECES was bubbling through the drain of his tub. Seriously. He tried it again and the shit pushed up even further into his bathtub. He called his landlord and about had a heartattack when he told him someone would be there in a few days. I think Mike's words were something like, "I have SHIT in my bathtub. This is an EMERGENCY! I want someone here TODAY."

I actually woke up on my own. I didn't even drink any coffee today. Now, do you understand? I had forgotten how much sleep mattered.

Tomorrow, I've got a meeting with Fr. Roy in which I have to explain why I'm not married in the church. Hehehehe. Well, um... Yeah. We're working on it. I swear. We're going to have a church wedding in the next year. It's been decided. Perhaps near the original day we had planned before H.P. came along. Anyway, we're getting him baptized in July and so now our own faith comes in to question. Eeeek. I wonder what Fr. Roy will ask me?

We're going to Caroline Grace's baptism this weekend in St. Louis. Unc is baptizing her, too. Should be fun.

Have a great weekend, everyone! I'm well rested and don't have to work for four days. Life is looking pretty beautiful.

The Big, the Fat and the Ugly

2007-05-23T08:04:00.000-07:00

What the freakin' hell, man?

Seriously, this movie is SCARY!

Yesterday was not the gubernatorial election. Just the primary. Sorry. I was confused. I told you guys--- I'm clueless about KY politics. Well, my man Gatewood Galbraith got a whopping 6% of the vote. Those were probably the state's pot smokers because he wants to legalize medical marijuana and drives a car fueled by hemp oil. What's the big friggin' deal? I will resist the urge to break out in Outkast lyrics. So, Ernie Fletcher and Steve Beshear will go at it for Governor. Steve Beshear, the democrat, has been entrenched in local politics since the 70's. I'm pretty sure he's got very little of his soul left. And I know the republican, Ernie Fletcher's soul has been gone for a very long time. Apparently, since he's been governor, he's been involved in quite the scandal since he was elected in 2003. The administration was firing and hiring in the state system based on political loyalties. Yikes. Don't worry, though, he pardoned everyone! Thank God no one was held accountable!

Okay- enough politics. Let's talk about my neuroses. Ever since the Va. Tech shootings which now seem long forgotten, I have been a nervous wreck. I'm convinced I'll be shot down any day now. It doesn't help that I work in a university. A couple weeks ago, I was walking home from work and saw a man with what looked to be a gun aimed at the street. He paused a moment and rested the "gun" on his shoulder with the scope pointing toward the sky. I stopped in sheer terror and squinted my eyes to see the man more closely. As I did this, he turned from the street to face me. From 30 yards away, I thought I was staring into the distant barrel of a gun. For about ten seconds, I stood still, my heart pounding, waiting to feel or hear the bullets come at me. When nothing happened, I mustered up my courage and began to slowly walk toward the man. If I was going down, it would be with dignity. I thought of our little family, and Scott having to raise Hawkins on his own. I wondered who would help him. I realized after a few steps that the man was holding a camera with an extremely long zoom lens, a foot at least. That half minute, though, when I thought the end was upon me, was seriously intense. I wonder what I would have seen if I hadn't been plagued by thoughts of that wacko job Cho.

Every afternoon, I pass the same woman a few blocks from our house. She waits at the bus stop for the #29 going down Eastern Pkwy. Yesterday, it occured to me that she could be plotting to kill me. This lady is about 65 years old, white hair, 350lbs. and under 5 foot. She should NOT inspire fear in anyone. And I'm pretty sure I could take her down if it came to it (as long as I didn't get pinned underneath her). Her glasses are pretty thick, so her aim is probably not great if she's going to be shooting at me.

So, what is my problem? It's this whole freakin' motherhood thing, I think. I remember when I was pregnant, I would walk by someone on the street and be convinced that they were going to push me into traffic. The knot in my stomach only went away once I had passed them by. It makes me so sad for other moms that die when their children are young. It must hurt so bad to let them go. Then again, it probably hurts just as bad when they are older because even my mom sees me as a child and I'm the big, fat, ugly 30.

Violence and death can be so damn RANDOM. I mean, those kids at Va. Tech were just going to class. And I need to stop getting People Magazine when the front cover relates to a murder or kidnapping. It's just too much for me. Thank god we don't have tv, or I'd be obsessing over the news every evening. I don't think the movie we watched last night helped things either. Scott says he put it on the netflix queue, but I thought I had. WHATEVER. Beware of Pan's Labyrinth. It is certainly not the Alice in Wonderland-esque film I thought it would be. It was freakin' BRUTAL and depressing and too much. I mean, we get it! The Captain is evil! You don't have to keep showing him bash peoples' faces in and torture people. Ugh. I had to go in my room and close the door twice during the stupid thing, because I could not handle it.

Our farm delivery is today. The email said we gots ourselves some broccoli and strawberries, too! Fresh from the earth, y'all! Praise the Lawd. Plus, we get our camcorder today. Maybe I'll have a fancy video clip soon! Remember, the camera adds 65 pounds, okay! I'm really like Nicole Richie. Scott is worried.

The Big Questions

2007-05-22T06:15:00.001-07:00

The second governor of Kentucky, James Garrard.

He is hot!

The pictures didn't come out very well on Saturday night at the shower b/c we don't have a memory stick yet. We had to decrease pixilation or something like that in order to get a few more photos. So everyone looks like red-eyed robots. And NO, I'm not still pregnant, though I do look it in the group picture. Maybe it's time for me to stop wearing maternity clothes. I mean, it has been 4 months. Actually, I may look pregnant in that shirt, but I just got the damn thing from Old Navy and it isn't maternity. Pregnant is the style now! It's great. Let those guts out a little! Relax! Cosmo says it's all good!

We've only gone through 1/2 the veggies we got last week from the farm. I think strawberries will be included in our batch this week. I'm gonna make soup stock with the radishes, turnips and parsnips. Apparently, that and some horrendous German dish are the only things you can really do with them. I don't know how many people know this, but I am obsessed with spinach. I will eat it with or on anything. During the spinach scare, I used kale to fill the void. Since then, I've figured out a way to sneak kale into just about every recipe. It's a damn good thing we got greens in our bushel out the wazoo. Maybe I'll cook and freeze for soup. We'll see. I got the baby food processor on Saturday. I think I'm gonna make baby food out of the root veggies. Someone told me that your pee is red when you eat beets. That would be frightening to see red pee in a diaper. It reminds me of that Lorrie Moore novella about the baby with cancer. It's great- abrasive, frightening, real, and human. So heart-wrenching and such perfect writing. It really doesn't get better than that. I mean, the story starts out with a bloody diaper. That's about as gruesome as it gets. Yikes! It asks the big question, "Why would God make a baby sick?" Or anyone for that matter! My writing prof last semester was good friends with Lorrie Moore and said that she's been working on a novel for over ten years and can't finish it. Apparently, her divorce has stunted her creativity. That's sad b/c rarely have I read any writer that is so freakin' right on. Check out Birds of America. "People Like That Are the Only Ones Here," "Terrific Mother" and "Which is More Than I Can Say About Some People" are the real gems, I think.

There has been some restructuring of the office at work. There is some drama over this. It's awkward for all of us. I didn't get my Starbucks this morning and so the tension in the office feels even thicker through the milky haze that is my brain without caffeine. I'm moving across the office to the financial side.

(Beware: This next paragraph is political.)
Today is the gubernatorial voting for Kentucky. I know nothing about local politics yet. I got my heart stomped in the last presidential election after working for the dems for over a year. I thought we would win for my dad somehow b/c of all the work I had put in. George Bush's defeat was going to be my consolation prize for my father's death. No deal. So, I'm gun shy about getting involved up here in KY. Will my heart get broken again? In my view, we still don't have an electable nominee for pres. Too many people hate Clinton. My vote goes to Bill Richardson, but nobody knows who the hell he is. Plus, I don't think people will go for an overweight president. I don't know if I can handle another Republican administration. This one does things in the name of God that I wouldn't do in the name of my enemies. I don't like their God. I certainly don't see much Christ in their God. It's all fire and brimstone. Where's the love, Karl? Bush? Anyone? Much more of this and Scott and I have talked about jumping ship and trying to find jobs overseas. I don't know if we actually have the balls to do that or not. Today though, we're still here in Kentucky and I think I'm gonna go with the outsider- Gatewood Galbraith. He's run four times and has been called the perennial candidate in which he responded, "Well, Kentucky has perennial problems..." Maybe enough people are sick of all the candidates playing it safe, afraid to take a stand for or against anything. Perhaps a true underdog will win for once.

Okay. I about got my head bitten off today when I said the following sentence at work, "Ya know, I'm going to have to go on record and say that I am not and never have been that fond of Princess Diana." There. I said it. I don't like her. I saw The Queen last night and thought the fuss made out of her death was a little over the top. England shut down! I just don't get it. Maybe I have a cold, cold heart, but I don't see the attractions. She was beautiful in a strange way and did some charity work- LIKE A BUNCH OF OTHER PEOPLE- but what else? I always felt bad for Prince Charles b/c he's always been made out to be a little ridiculous and she was so revered. Poor guy. I don't want to speak ill of the dead or anything. I just don't understand why everyone adored her so.

That's all I've got. Lash out if you dare, but I'm standin' firm in my politics and my apathy against Lady Di.

A Little Marvin Gay with a side of Babaghanoush

2007-05-21T06:08:00.000-07:00

So, where in the hell did the weekend go? Geez. All of a sudden, it's MONDAY. We had a busy weekend. Saturday was spent shopping with Hawkins and Grammy. Scott's mom felt like spending some major money on the kid and there was no stopping her. Actually, when she was insisting that Hawkins needed some tennis shoes, I had to get a little firm with her. I mean, he's not even walking yet. I'm the one who needs new tennis shoes! The soles of my nikes are peeling off on the heel and flap like flip flops every time a take a step. You should hear them when it rains. Water gets inside the sole and so I have the flap and the squish and squeak when I walk on hard surfaces. It's embarrassing! We got a new fancy camera and a camcorder over the weekend. Molly, of course, has already enlisted Scott to tape the wedding since she doesn't have a videographer. Like she says, "If you've got a talent or something I can use, I'll exploit it for my wedding." That brings me to the wedding shower for Molly and Steve and Christina and Will which was the inspiration for the title of this post.

Okay, so the theme of the shower was love songs. We had a quiz game similar to the Newlywed Game called "Engaged Encounter" (which Jeannette totally stole from preCanaa classes). The twist was the bonus round in which Will and Steve had to do artist impersonations of Janet Jackson and Sinead O'Connor and the audience had to guess who they were impersonating. Then, poor Molly and Christina had to do interpretive dance to a song while listening to it through headphones and the audience had to guess the song. The highlight of this was Molly's interpretive dancing to "Let's Get it On." I haven't laughed so hard since Scott and I ate at a Brazillian Churascurria (sp???) in Florida and nearly blew up the condo we were staying in with our EXCESSIVE GAS. It was heinous, but hilarious, too. I don't know how to describe Molly's dancing. No one was figuring out the song, however, and so she was forced to really go the extra mile. I'll put it this way, Elvis ain't got nothin' on Molly. She was basically getting it on with an imaginary dance partner. And if Steve wasn't jealous, he should have been. I laughed so hard I cried. Jeannette and Waleed had an awesome spread including some hummus and babaghanoush from an Arab deli they discovered. Scott and I love Arab food and so we're gonna be all over that place. Everyone got a cd of love songs to take home, too, which included such classics as "Islands in the Stream," "Don't Go Breakin' My Heart," and of course, I had to add a little Aretha and Willie to the mix. Nobody sings about love like those two. Jeannette and Waleed know how to throw a shindig. We had a great time.

On Sunday, we had the Bradley Method reunion. OF COURSE, I was the only class member to end up with a c-section. Surprisingly, I was also the only mom to be late. Over 2 WEEKS late! And although Hawkins is the youngest baby by a month or two, he's the biggest. And cutest and smartest. He put those other babies to shame! We met at a park and had a picnic under the shade of little oak tree. I was happy to see that I wasn't the only one that hasn't lost all my baby weight yet. I'm giving myself nine months total. It's just this stupid gut! Anyway, I know no one wants to hear about all my weight issues. It was great to see those other moms. Those of us that work are going to start a little play group together. I just hope they can handle Hawkins being so much better looking and better behaved than all their babies. I don't want anyone to feel bad.

On the religious front, Hawkins will be baptized on the weekend of July 21st. Hopefully, once he's an official Catholic, he won't cry as much in church. Uncle Charles is doing the laying on of hands and such and I'm really excited about that. It's always been my dream for Unc to baptize my children. So, it's neat that it's actually going to come true! He baptized me when I was little, too. We got a little white shorts and shirt set that he's going to wear instead of a gown. Hopefully it'll still fit him a couple months from now.

I'm getting my books today for my summer classes. I'm taking elementary school Math I and II. Mrs. Vansant would be so proud. Think of your fiercest teacher and then multiply that sternness by 300. Now you've got a picture of Mrs. Van Sant. For those of you who don't know, I'm beginning my master's program in Elementary Ed. this summer. I should be done in two years going part-time. After years of soul searching, I've finally figured out what I want to do. My preference is to teach pre-school or kindergarten, but we'll see how I feel after I'm deeper into the program. It feels really great to know. I just wish I hadn't taken so damn long to figure it all out. Later on down the line, I would like to teach special ed., but I thought I'd start out in elem. ed. and get certified for special ed. later.

This weekend, after Grammy leaves we're heading to St. Louis for the weekend for a Wheeler gathering. Daniel and Scott will finally meet. Soulmates? Perhaps. Aunt Carole did force them to talk on the phone once, but they were both pretty awkward. Hopefully, meeting in person will seal the deal on their friendship. They both adore me. They have that in common. We'll see what happens. Plus, Hawkins will get to meet the extended fam. Should be fun.

Happy Monday, y'all.

Death and Parsnips

2007-05-17T12:19:00.000-07:00

I thought I might have this problem. This is why I haven't created a blog yet. I consistently talk when I have nothing to say. Unfortunately, I end up spouting such dimwitted things like, "Hmmmm. Interesting. A cloud." Someone once told me I was a master at stating the obvious. This, I am. If you read this blog long enough, you'll find that out. And now that I have a blank screen in front of me and the possibility to say something, it's pretty much impossible not to follow up on that urge. And seriously, I have nothing to say right now. And yet, I continue to write.

What I hate the most is ending a conversation at work. I will intentionally bring something new to the table just as the conversation is dying and people are walking away in order to stop what? Saying goodbye? It's the transition, folks. I'm no good at them when I write and I'm no good at them in life. I don't go smoothly from one thing to another. I just don't. Ending a conversation or a story or a paragraph or EVEN a sentence can be like falling downstairs for me. This morning I ended up telling this really long (and possibly inappropriate) story just to keep from having to awkwardly wrap up the conversation. Oh well.

Grammy's in town and having a blast with Hawkins. It makes me so happy when I see him making other people happy. It's pretty fabulous. Plus, I get to talk about him with someone and not feel like I'm boring them because grandparents are almost as obsessed with their grandkids as parents are. I have some pictures I need to post, but they're at home. Scott and I have to work on wedding shower stuff tonight, but I can't talk about it cuz it's a SECRET! I'll be able to talk about it plus all the crazy stuff poor Molly and Steve will have to undergo AFTER the shower.

I couldn't sleep last night and so cannot quite wake up this morning. I really want Hawkins to start sleeping in longer increments. For some reason today and yesterday, I've had bouts of sadness. I already miss Hawkins being a baby just because I know he's going to grow up. I've also been thinking a lot about death. Maybe b/c my dad's third death anniversary just passed. I don't know. I've just been wondering a lot about how and when I will die. The happier I am in life, the less I want to leave it despite rumors about how awesome heaven is supposed to be. I mean, having wings like an angel and getting to swim in golden water and eat manna sounds rad, but I really like hanging out here with Scott and Hawkins and Molly and my family and stuff. I guess at some point you just feel ready. I know my dad did. I remember asking him if he was going to die and he said, "I don't know. Maybe. It doesn't seem like I've got that much more to do here." And then he kicked it old school and DIED! I, on the other hand, feel like I've got a lot left to do. So, hopefully, I've got some time to do it.

Alright, I've got my second cup of coffee in hand and life is looking a helluva a lot sweeter. On a brighter note (than death), our CSA started and we've got enough greens this week to feed a small army. I think I found a dandelion mixed in with the Red Russian Kale! It's going in the salad! Does anyone know of any good radish recipes? Cuz we've got a few on hand and I don't want to waste a damn thing. Even if we eat them raw, they WILL be eaten. Also, what the f*** is a parsnip and how the hell do you cook them?

The Other Bacons

2007-05-16T09:34:00.000-07:00

It's been pointed out to me that I've completely omitted any information and/or pictures regarding the two other members of the Bacon household, Dinky and Sneakers (who have taken the Bacon last name, and kept Wheeler as their middle name). They are both doing well, though Dinky is experiencing her usual spring allergies as well as a possible new skin condition. This may require a trip to the vet. Right now, they're doing a lot of sleeping in spots of sunshine on the floor. They both love Hawkins. Dinky is pretty attentive to him and gets upset when he cries. She usually comes rushing in and circles me meowing with accusations as if I'm the one making him cry. Sneakers misses being in our laps constantly and will sometimes sit beside us when we're holding Hawkins and just look longingly into our eyes. He seems to be saying, "Why him? Why not me? I'm soft and squishy, too. Just a little hairy." We are trying to make sure they still get lots of attention. Scott messes with Sneakers all the time and instead of taking it out on Scott, Sneakers runs away and attacks Dinky. She's really too fragile for that. Any time they meow, Scott makes me clean the litter box. It can be annoying, but I guess the less cat excrement you have in your basement, the better. So, that's the update.

Didn't I tell you our lives were exciting? Grammy comes today.

PS

2007-05-15T09:03:00.000-07:00

I did try and take some pictures this weekend on Mother's Day, but for some reason it dies every time we want to use it. Will post some new ones soon as I'm sure everyone is waiting to see our amazing kid. Peace-

Yet another blog...

2007-05-15T08:10:00.000-07:00

But this one will be the best! Not really. In fact, upon writing my very first post, every time I pressed the spacebar, the word I had just typed turned into hindi script. I'm sure people all across the globe will be clamoring to read about the Bacons, but most of the people I know speak English. An auspicious beginning, but I sorted things out. It was my fault.

Anyway, let me get on with it. On Sunday, we celebrated our very first mother's day. It was lovely. After a morning stroll in Cherokee Park (designed by William Olmstead for those of you who have read Devil in the White City), Scott, Hawkins and I walked to a coffeeshop nearby to enjoy some caffeine, a beautiful sky and a slight breeze. Scott got some gerber daisies to plant and some other plant which I think is a blue spruce (though not blue). He also gave me the latest cd from Willie Nelson, Last of the Breed, in which he sings with Merle Haggard and Ray Price. It's all classic country and folk songs. It sounds like it's straight from Prairie Home Companion. Good stuff. At the babysitter's, Hawkins potted some lavender for me (which I am allergic to). It was a nice thought, however. I'm just impressed that he's already potting plants at four months old. He also made me a card from scratch which I think Scott may have helped him with. He's just not that good with scissors yet. I also got some really nice gifts from Scott's mom, a teapot, some tea, a book and a teeny zen garden to help releive some of my stress. Mother's Day was also the three year anniversary of my father's death. In that way, it was tinged with sadness. However, celebrating my own metamorphosis into a parent seemed like a nice way to commemorate my own dead parent.

We're getting ready for Grammy's visit tomorrow. She's going to have so much fun with Hawkins! This weekend, we've got Molly and Steve's couples shower and our Bradley Method reunion. Should be fun!

And so ends the first post-