I thought I might have this problem. This is why I haven't created a blog yet. I consistently talk when I have nothing to say. Unfortunately, I end up spouting such dimwitted things like, "Hmmmm. Interesting. A cloud." Someone once told me I was a master at stating the obvious. This, I am. If you read this blog long enough, you'll find that out. And now that I have a blank screen in front of me and the possibility to say something, it's pretty much impossible not to follow up on that urge. And seriously, I have nothing to say right now. And yet, I continue to write.
What I hate the most is ending a conversation at work. I will intentionally bring something new to the table just as the conversation is dying and people are walking away in order to stop what? Saying goodbye? It's the transition, folks. I'm no good at them when I write and I'm no good at them in life. I don't go smoothly from one thing to another. I just don't. Ending a conversation or a story or a paragraph or EVEN a sentence can be like falling downstairs for me. This morning I ended up telling this really long (and possibly inappropriate) story just to keep from having to awkwardly wrap up the conversation. Oh well.
Grammy's in town and having a blast with Hawkins. It makes me so happy when I see him making other people happy. It's pretty fabulous. Plus, I get to talk about him with someone and not feel like I'm boring them because grandparents are almost as obsessed with their grandkids as parents are. I have some pictures I need to post, but they're at home. Scott and I have to work on wedding shower stuff tonight, but I can't talk about it cuz it's a SECRET! I'll be able to talk about it plus all the crazy stuff poor Molly and Steve will have to undergo AFTER the shower.
I couldn't sleep last night and so cannot quite wake up this morning. I really want Hawkins to start sleeping in longer increments. For some reason today and yesterday, I've had bouts of sadness. I already miss Hawkins being a baby just because I know he's going to grow up. I've also been thinking a lot about death. Maybe b/c my dad's third death anniversary just passed. I don't know. I've just been wondering a lot about how and when I will die. The happier I am in life, the less I want to leave it despite rumors about how awesome heaven is supposed to be. I mean, having wings like an angel and getting to swim in golden water and eat manna sounds rad, but I really like hanging out here with Scott and Hawkins and Molly and my family and stuff. I guess at some point you just feel ready. I know my dad did. I remember asking him if he was going to die and he said, "I don't know. Maybe. It doesn't seem like I've got that much more to do here." And then he kicked it old school and DIED! I, on the other hand, feel like I've got a lot left to do. So, hopefully, I've got some time to do it.
Alright, I've got my second cup of coffee in hand and life is looking a helluva a lot sweeter. On a brighter note (than death), our CSA started and we've got enough greens this week to feed a small army. I think I found a dandelion mixed in with the Red Russian Kale! It's going in the salad! Does anyone know of any good radish recipes? Cuz we've got a few on hand and I don't want to waste a damn thing. Even if we eat them raw, they WILL be eaten. Also, what the f*** is a parsnip and how the hell do you cook them?
What I hate the most is ending a conversation at work. I will intentionally bring something new to the table just as the conversation is dying and people are walking away in order to stop what? Saying goodbye? It's the transition, folks. I'm no good at them when I write and I'm no good at them in life. I don't go smoothly from one thing to another. I just don't. Ending a conversation or a story or a paragraph or EVEN a sentence can be like falling downstairs for me. This morning I ended up telling this really long (and possibly inappropriate) story just to keep from having to awkwardly wrap up the conversation. Oh well.
Grammy's in town and having a blast with Hawkins. It makes me so happy when I see him making other people happy. It's pretty fabulous. Plus, I get to talk about him with someone and not feel like I'm boring them because grandparents are almost as obsessed with their grandkids as parents are. I have some pictures I need to post, but they're at home. Scott and I have to work on wedding shower stuff tonight, but I can't talk about it cuz it's a SECRET! I'll be able to talk about it plus all the crazy stuff poor Molly and Steve will have to undergo AFTER the shower.
I couldn't sleep last night and so cannot quite wake up this morning. I really want Hawkins to start sleeping in longer increments. For some reason today and yesterday, I've had bouts of sadness. I already miss Hawkins being a baby just because I know he's going to grow up. I've also been thinking a lot about death. Maybe b/c my dad's third death anniversary just passed. I don't know. I've just been wondering a lot about how and when I will die. The happier I am in life, the less I want to leave it despite rumors about how awesome heaven is supposed to be. I mean, having wings like an angel and getting to swim in golden water and eat manna sounds rad, but I really like hanging out here with Scott and Hawkins and Molly and my family and stuff. I guess at some point you just feel ready. I know my dad did. I remember asking him if he was going to die and he said, "I don't know. Maybe. It doesn't seem like I've got that much more to do here." And then he kicked it old school and DIED! I, on the other hand, feel like I've got a lot left to do. So, hopefully, I've got some time to do it.
Alright, I've got my second cup of coffee in hand and life is looking a helluva a lot sweeter. On a brighter note (than death), our CSA started and we've got enough greens this week to feed a small army. I think I found a dandelion mixed in with the Red Russian Kale! It's going in the salad! Does anyone know of any good radish recipes? Cuz we've got a few on hand and I don't want to waste a damn thing. Even if we eat them raw, they WILL be eaten. Also, what the f*** is a parsnip and how the hell do you cook them?
6 comments:
girl, i love your writing, man. keep it up. you know i will be here at least 20 times a day.
weird how you said you are thinking about death lately. i have thought the same thing ever since this girl Megan Callahan died 2 weeks ago. she graduated Pius with my sister and then taught there for awhile and was one of the nicest people. she was only 35 yrs. old and had a 2 and 4 year old. she had lung and bone cancer and know i'm all freaked that God is give me the ole cancer too and take me from Joe. anyways, i think when you become a mom those thoughts are more common.
and the ones about MENTEZ. those i can't get outtah my head.
anyways, can't wait to see more pics of Hawkins. when is molly getting married? send her my love! and tell her i said congrats!
I've never thought about my own death before Hawkins came. Brig told me about Megan Callahan! Molly and I were so crazy in her class and she was awesome to us! And now, dead. That so sad. It's just hard to understand sometimes why some people get taken from us so soon.
On a happier note, Molly's getting married in about 6 weeks. I hope Hawkins doesn't get too drunk at the wedding. He gets crazay!
hawkins is gonna work his money maker all ovah dat dance flo'!
girl, was megan teaching at pi-high when we were there? i don't remember her...my sister said she was just an amazing person.
Katie, Molly and I were in CP1 math. Maybe that's why you don't remember Ms. Callahan. I'm not placing judgment on your math skills, but I'm thinkin' you may have been in CP2 with Brig.
damn, your right. and me and brig were also in CP2 science with James Warren. he was our lab partner. he made me so hot when he used the bunsen burner. brig totally wanted him.
oh, and i went walking with corrie and kristen last weekend. i'll tell them you said hey. it was great seeing them. cor's got a serious boyfriend now. he's a good guy..
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