Sunshine and Moonlight

Today has begun a bit better than yesterday, I'll start with that.

Okay- I'm going to try and cover everything today.

Let me start with Hawkins. He's so much fun. And he has such a distinct personality all to his own. It's fascinating to see him become more and more individualized. Like I said yesterday, he loves trees so much. Nothing else gets such an awed reaction out of him. Maybe he'll be an arborist. We're going to take him hiking soon at Bernheim Arborarium. That should be a good time. I'm looking for a used backpack carrier for him that will be a little more suitable than his Baby Bjorn. Anyway, he loves being outside. If he's crying and you open the front door, he'll stop. On our morning walks together, he is so attentive and observant to the world outside. I know that all babies are sponges, but come on... We're talking about Hawkins here. He's a genius! And if you take a branch in your hand and shake it above him he laughs. He just keeps laughing more and more. (though never for pictures, of course) He has an sea themed instrument set with this little clam tambourine. Yesterday I started beating it softly on his stomach and he got the biggest kick out of it. Every time I hit his stomach he'd start laughing. It's so much fun watching him become who he's gonna be.

Despite how great the kid is, though, breaks are FABULOUS! On Sunday, I got to actually enjoy mass for the first time in a while b/c I went alone. It's so nervewracking sitting and standing in church all the while holding a little timebomb waiting to explode with noise at any moment. How is anyone supposed to concentrate on Jesus? Jeeeeeezzzzuuuuus. Anyway, I think I may put a small complaint in the collection basket next week along with my money. Seriously, the music sucks ass and I can't change churches again. I just want to suggest songs that people can actually sing. On Sunday, the cantor or whatever he was, sang so formally it was ridiculous. He pronounced every vowel like it was a short 'o.' And then he started coughing, so someone took his place and she sang so high that no one could keep up with her. I was expecting the stained glass windows to burst at any moment. NONE of the music was singable, though. It was all terrible. Fr. Roy barely redeemed it all with his homily on what else? Forgiveness. He quoted Bishop Desmond Tutu as saying to his people, "Without forgiveness, we are doomed." I like that. Without forgiveness I would certainly be doomed cuz I've sure pulled some doozies over the years, huh mom? But seriously, to say that in South Africa to a bunch of black people that whities had abused and oppressed for years???? That takes some serious gall. I wonder if anyone threw tomatoes at him during that speech. So, decent homily, but the rest was a little annoying.

After mass, I came home and we got ready for our picnic. It was so damn hot outside (95 degrees, the hottest of the summer so far- of course) that we only stayed about an hour at the park. Poor little Hawkins was sweatin' up a storm.

So, anyway, all in all it was a great weekend. This week, on the other hand, hasn't been so hot. I've spent all week running late and losing things. I hate days like that. But the past few nights, as I've lain in bed each night, (despite the shitty days) I've had this wonderful sense of security. I'm not sure that's the right word, maybe satisfaction is closer to it. My life just feels right. It feels great. I've finally started on a career path and I won't be there for a year and a half, but I will get there. And I have this great kid- Good friends- A job with people I like- Lots of laughter in my life. But most of all, I just feel really lucky to have Scott. I know I deserve him, it ain't that... He just makes life so much more fun. It's pretty incredible. It feels like sunshine and moonlight shining on me at the same time or something really gay sounding like that.

I'm picking up a new box from the farm tonight. This week, we've got SQUASH! I don't know what I'm going to do with it! I'm excited. Along with Arugula, mustard greens, broccoli, swiss chard, cabbage and more friggin' beets. It's babyfood, y'all. I like the borscht, but I've still got some left I have to eat and it's definitely an acquired taste. I certainly couldn't eat it every day (which I've done now for four days straight). Only a gallon left! I'll be eating it for breakfast tomorrow to try and get rid of the stuff. Scott has sworn it off. Apparently, he doesn't eat flourescent foods. Whatever, Scott.

Goin' home. Peace.